Poup
by Ayumi Elric
Summary: Random oneshots that will either melt your brain from the stupidity andor make you fall to the ground in laughter! It's sure to make you laugh or...screw it, if you don't laugh, you have no sense of humor! Chapter 23: Happy Purkey Day!
1. Poup

**Hiya! Ayumi Elric, here to present an new fanfic! It's completely stupid, and I might gain a one way ticket back to the asylum for writing it! XD**

**WARNING: THIS FANFIC MAY CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE, NAUSEA AND OTHER UNPLEASANT STUFFS. NOT TO BE READ FOR THE WEAK OF HEART AND THE NON-HUMOROUS! ANYTHING CAUSED BY READING THIS FANFIC IS NOT THE AUTHORS FAULT! BY CONTINUING, YOU INSURE THAT IT'S YOUR FAULT! (only kidding of course)**

**Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist is created not by me, but by a certain author who might be pissed if she finds out what I'm doing with her characters. No money made, spent or bathed in. **

---

"ED!" Roy screamed.

Ed looked up with big, innocent golden eyes. "Yes Colonel?" He asked sweetly.

"Why the hell is there a bathtub in my office?!" Roy yelled as he stood at the doorway. He stared at the porcelain bathtub sitting in the middle of his office for a minute. "Is that mine?!"

Ed looked at the bathtub with a curious look. "…yes." He said, stirring something inside. "Your window was open." He said simply.

Roy watched him. "Ed, what are you doing?" He questioned after a while.

Before Ed could answer, Al climbed in through the open window. "Brother, I got it!" He announced, holding up a steaming bowl of chicken soup.

"Great, pour it in!" Ed replied cheerfully.

As Al poured the soup in, Roy blinked. "What's that?" He asked, peering over Ed's shoulder. He gawked at the thick, shit colored substance being mixed with the yellow soup. Noodles and small veggies floated about. "Ugh! What is that?!"

"Poup!" Ed and Al said proudly.

"Poop?" Roy echoed, staring at it. "You're mixing poop with soup…"

"No, you retard. Poup. P-O-U-P." Ed said slowly.

"Its soup and pudding mixed together!" Al explained.

"That's-"Roy stared,

"Genius, I know!" Ed beamed. "I came up with the name."

Roy stared at the poup, his face starting to pale. "Well…I think it's time to get reacquainted with my lunch…" He muttered.

"It's really good though." Al said, pouting. "This is the best flavor, Chocolate Chicken."

Ed nodded. "And there's Banana Beef, Vanilla Vegetable, Strawberry Stew…"

Roy shook his head in disgust. "You guys are idiots." He said, walking to his desk and starting to work on his paperwork.

-

"Heeeey, Mustang." Ed sang, jumping onto his desk and planting his arse onto some paperwork Roy was working on.

Roy sighed, aggravated. "What is it Ed?" He growled, putting his pen down.

Ed fiddled with his braid for a second, chewing on the end. "You know those times, when you have to take a dump, and it just kinda gets lodged up there? So you push and push and like, really straining when it finally comes out and makes a big splash so your ass is wet with crappy-shit water?" He asked.

Roy groaned, covering his face with his hands. "Ed…"

The blond blinked. "That just happened you know. Now I feel moist." He squirmed around a bit.

"Ew!" Roy yelled, rudely shoving Ed off his desk, and stared at the wet butt imprint on his paperwork. **(whoo! I'd love one of those! Kidding…)**

Ed looked at the damp paper. "Here, let me sign that for you." He said, whipping out a pen and scrawling 'Love, Ed.' on the paper in sloppy script. He then examined the butt print. "Hey, my butt ain't that big!" He scowled.

"Edward, don't you have…poup to make?" Roy asked, his eye twitching slightly.

"Nah, Al and I ate it already." Ed scratched his head. "That's why I had to go crap. And I think Al has food poisoning now. That's what Dr. S said. Must have been some bad soup, right?"

Roy stood up. "Okay Ed, nice talking to you. But there's a brick wall over there that my face has to come in contact with. Very. Hard." Roy strolled out of the office.

"Geez, what stuck up his ass?" Ed commented, chewing on his braid again.

---

**That was by far, one of the stupidest things I ever wrote…let's see if I can top it in the next chapter!**

**At first I thought it would be hard to make Ed and Al act like idiots. Since I love them so much. But it was fairly easy:D Please review! Flames are welcome; it's starting to get cold in my house.**


	2. Pizza

**Whoot, I updated! Sorry it took so long I was...not updating, anyway!**

**This will probably be the longest chapter, I dunno. Really random...thinking of boosting the rating to M, some weird parts are kinda...-shudder-**

**Disclaimer: sgsahpddasdpfasdfmaisntownbyayumiar0sdifp**

------

"Ahhh, ow, Brother, it hurts." Al moaned.

"Aw, come on Al, just a little more." Ed purred.

"No, really, I can't go on anymore." Al whined, starting to pant.

"Don't be a baby. Look, I'll do it. See, you just stick it right…there."

"Ahh! Stop it Brother!"

"Stop whining Al, no point fighting it."

"Owww!"

"Will you two _shut_ UP!?" Roy yelled, slamming his fists down on the desk.

The Elric brothers looked up at Roy curiously. If you just so happened to be passing by Roy's office for some unknown reason and overheard the previous conversation above, you might have thought that Ed and Al were getting jiggy wid it.

But since I'm not a supporter of Elricest cause that's just wrong, luckily that's not what they were doing. They just so happened to be sticking Big Red wrappers on each other.

"Why don't you try it Roy? It's fun." Ed suggested, holding out a silver gum wrapper.

"No." The Colonel refused, picking up his pen to attempt his paperwork yet again.

"Why not?" Al asked, standing up (and they were sitting on the floor, why?) and leaning over Roy's desk.

"Because it's completely idiotic." Roy replied.

"No it's not." Al said, lifting his feet off the ground and leaning his full weight against the desk.

"It's cool." Ed chimed in, pressing another wrapper on his arm.

"Licking Big Red wrappers and sticking them to yourselves so it'll burn is not cool." Roy said coolly, trying to sign a paper with Al's bronze locks in the way.

"Bet you're just scared." Ed taunted, licking messily at a wrapper. He stuck it on Roy's forehead.

"Ed!" Roy yelled. A moment later, he shrieked and toppled off his chair, writhing on the floor in obvious agony.

Ed and Al blinked and watched him. "It doesn't hurt that bad…" Al said, peeling wrappers off his arms and face, where little red rectangles remained.

"Aw, he's just a wimp." Ed scoffed, smirking.

Al yawned. "Well, I'm bored."

"Hey! Let's make a fanfic about the military having a mass orgy!" Ed suggested excitedly.

Al squealed. "Yay!"

-

"Roy, I'm hungry." Ed complained from his seat at the computer.

"Good for you." Roy growled, rubbing his forehead sorely and swearing revenge.

"I'm hungry too." Al added.

Roy glared at them both. "Why don't you just eat some of that stuff you made…poup?"

Ed sighed heavily. "Dr. Dic Seemin said it's bad for our colon." He paused. "Heh, dick semen." He giggled.

"Ed, shut up." Said the Colonel.

"But it's a funny same! Why would _anyone_ name their kid Dick, I mean really! Just imagine it. 'Hey, Dick!', 'Yooo, it's Dick!', 'Dick-meister, what up?', 'So that'll be 19.95, Mr. Dick', 'Dick, you bastard!', 'Diiiiiiiick'"

Al rolled on the floor, laughing his head off.

"How about this…order a pizza." Roy said irritably.

"They've invented pizza?" Al asked curiously, standing up.

"…here, use my credit card." Roy tossed them a golden Visa card.

"Woah!" Al caught it, staring at it in amazement. "So _this_ is credit!"

"I'm gonna get the phonebook!" Ed yelled, running out of the room.

Several minutes later Ed ran back in squealing. "Ohmigawd, Ohmigawd, Ohmigawd, ohmiGAWD!"

"What is it Brother?" Al asked, tilting his head.

"Look!" Ed thrust forth a calendar. "Mother's Day is like, 3 months, 5 days, 16 hours, 45 minutes and 3 seconds away!" He said in one breath. He looked thoughtful. "2 seconds." He added.

"Ohmigawd! You're right!" Al gasped, his eyes sparkling.

"Why do you guys care? Your mom's dead." Roy pointed out.

Al gawked at Roy, looking on the verge of tears. His knuckles pressed against his mouth (imagine that…Al looks soo cute! Aww). Ed on the other hand, was glaring daggers at the Colonel. If looks could kill…then every man on the face of the planet would die from Ed's extreme sexyness! Wait, wrong saying…I think…Ahem.

"What did you say 'bout my momma?!" Ed fumed.

"Eep! I…uh….said…that your mom was…IS! Is…a nice..and…sexy woman, yes she is." Roy stammered. Roy shielded his face with his arms, awaiting the horrible, painful fate about to become of him. When nothing happened, he peeked nervously at Ed.

Ed had his fists clenched hard, and he was staring at the ground, his face mostly hidden by his golden bangs. Then, he lifted his head and smiled. But it wasn't an ordinary smile, oh no. It was that kind of send-the-fangirls-into-a-swooning-and-drooling frenzy smile. The tilted head, closed eyes smile only anime people can. A smile that would melt Roy's heart if he felt that way for Ed…which he doesn't…cause that's yaoi and I don't support RoyxEd.

On an unrelated note, the reaction to Ed's smile was not as expected. Of course, fangirls went into a wild frenzy, swarming into HQ. They're out now, but 10 soldiers have been found missing. If you are one of those soldiers, _please_ call 1-800-MIS-SING.

Moving on, a fanfiction writing fangirl got so overcome by fangirl-ness that she when she came to HQ, she went mad, beating everyone out of the way to get to Ed. She almost got to blomp him too, but security finally caught her in the end and threw her out the window. (and I have the scars to prove it, damn them.)

And everywhere, guys have been proclaiming themselves gay and running to the scene only to be forced into therapy and made straight again.

-the author apoligizes for this random rant and promises never to do it again. Adding maybe to her statement-

Before Roy got a chance to decide if this smile was good or bad and to maybe fight the intense feeling to squeal all fangirly over Ed's super adorable smile, Ed had pushed him out the window of his 5th story office. (A prime accomplishment, seeing as Ed didn't open the window, yet the window didn't break.)

"Brother!!!" Al cried.

"Psh, he deserved it."

"I'm still hungry." Al said after an akwatd silence.

"Me too. Let's buy that pizza now."

"Okay, use Roy's cell phone." Al suggested.

"You know, it's weird that we have such technology like this when it hasn't been WWI yet." Ed mumbled, grabbing the cell phone and punching in the nearest pizza joint. Al just shrugged.

"Hello, this is Dominos, can I take your order?" A sleepy sounding woman asked from the other end.

"Oh, cool! It worked, this is awesome!" Ed gasped.

"The hell? Okay, is this some kinda prank?"

"No! I wanted to order some pizza."

"Okay, then what's your order?"

"Uhhhh...I want...an extra large pizza with pepporonie and sausages and onions and peppers and cheese and pork and anchovies and pickles and ham and broccoli and squash and corn and muffins and Harry Potter and olives and Skittles and M&Ms and soup and jelly and Nelly and chicken nuggets and icicles and pudding and Ronald McDonald and...and...Orlando Bloom and Naruto and chocolate and Willy Wonka and DDR and- h-hello?! What the fuck, they hung up! The nerve!"

"Awww, shoot." Al sighed. "What are we gonna do?

"I'll tell you what we'll do." The camera zoomed up to Ed's face while he gave a determined smirk. "We'll make it ourselves." He said as the Full Metal Alchemist logo annoyingly popped into the bottom right corner, giving vvarious fangirls only a moment to snog the tv screen before going to a commercial.

The whole screen went blue as white words slowly scrolled up as a guy's boring voice said the following:

"We interrupt this episode of Full Metal Alchemist to bring you this important message."

-blink- A girl with long black hair and amethyst eyes appeared. She was holding up a glass of milk. Zomg, is this an infomercial?!

"Okay people. Let's say you're sitting at home enjoying a nice, refreshing glass of milk." She said, holding the milk close to the screen. Her nose wrinkled. "But what you might not've known was that its possible that your milk could contain trace amounts of bull milk. What is bull milk you might ask? Well, it happens when a farmer is tipsy and milked a bull instead of a cow!"

The audience gasped and started muttering to themselves.

The girl nodded and raised a hand to silence them. "I know. Now… do you get milk when you try and milk a bull?" She shook her head. "No, ya don't. But if you're lucky, you just get a bit of pee. But you don't always get lucky, if ya know what I mean."

Sounds of disgust from the audience.

The girl threw her glass of milk onto the wall behind her and pointed at the camera, a fire in her eyes and her hair floating from a burning red aura. "Protect yourselves and your children! Bull's milk is dangerous, disgusting and might make girls pregnant with half human, half cow FREAKS!"

"YEAH!" The audience roared.

She pumped her fist into the air. "Join the AMA in the fight against milk and other dairy products! REVOLUTION!"

"REVOLUTION!" The audience quickly became a mob led by the girl, running outside and towards a dairy farm.

**"The following message was brought to you by the Anti Milk Association or AMA. No cows or dairy or dairy farmers were harmed _during_ the making of this commercial though some were before and especially afterwards. We're not liable for that, we had a contract. If anyone was offended, the AMA president clearly states "We don't care, NYAAAH!" We will now return you to your featured anime." **

**-**once again, the author apoligizes for going on a tangent again. She claims she won't do it again, but she has her fingers crossed, so you can't trust her-

Ed and Al were now sitting on the floor with a hand rafted pizza on the floor. It looked perfect, nice, warm, cheesy, and suspesiously sitting on a transmutation circle. The hell?! Floorboard do not equal pizza goodness!! That ain't equivalency!

"Wow...that looks really good." Al said in awe.

"Are you kidding me?! It's horrible! We failed, little brother!" Ed sobbed into his hands.

"Eh?"

"We...we couldn't transmute a topping!" Ed wailed, pointing an automail finger at the bar cheesy top. Hey, it's perfect like that, idiot! Toppings ruin it!

"Oh no! You're right!" Al gasped. "We're failures as alchemists, Brother!" He cried.

As the two started crying, wallowing in their topping-less angsty pain (and ignoring the tears across America! The Elric Brothers, crying?! Woe!!), Roy barged into the room. How rude, oh wait, it's his office. Anyway, he was looking a mess. Covered in leaves and blood..blood?! Holy crap!

"Eeeeeeedddd!" Roy growled.

Ed looked up, golden eyes sparkling with tears and overflowing with angst. The fangirl who was thrown out the window screamed and ran for Ed again to soothe all his problems and tell him its all right, but was caught and is now being forced to listen to Barney. Damn them, can't get the song outta my head...

"What the hell is your problem?!" Roy shouted.

"I couldn't transmute a topping! I failed Roy!!" Ed wailed, pointing to the pizza.

"Huh?" Roy blinked.

"Psst. You can always use Roy as a topping." Whispered an unknown person.

"What?!"

"...not a bad idea." Al said slowly.

"Yeeah...he might even be tasty..." Ed agreed.

"Hey! Wait a second..that...that's cannibalism!!"

"That's a big word." Ed decided. "Al, lock the doors!!"

"Yush Brother!"

"Wait Ed, you can't do this! I'm a higher rank!"

"Myahahaha..."

"Ed, put down that knife now! Ed?! Ed!! AAAAHHH!"

**_Later..._**

Ed and Al were sitting on the floor, happily enjoying some pizza with an odd looking meat on it. Al was still adding piece on.

"Ew, Brother, what should we do with this??" Al asked, holding up what looked like Roy's-cough, hack-

"You kidding me, that's the best part!" Ed exclaimed, grabbing it and stuffing it into his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully.

"Well? How's it taste?"

Ed grimaced and spat it out on Roy's desk. "Ewww, too chewy. Nasty."

---

**Now...maybe the words WHAT THE SPOOT?! is flashing through your minds. Funny story...eheh heh heh...please review!**


	3. Pythagorean theorum

**Myahahaha, yes, I updated quickly, but Poup is just way to much fun to write. AND SINCE I FORGOT TO MENTION, Poup is dedicated to TriggerHappyRetard! Why? Cause without her, this fanfic wouldn't exist, and I'd have one less fanfic to worry about.**

**DISCLAIMER: Math isn't fun. .o.**

**---------------fmaisnotownedbyayumielricdonthurtme--------**

Ed was lying down on Roy's desk, staring at the ceiling. Roy was nowhere to be found. Ed sighed. Damn, it's _boring_ not annoying Roy.

Luckily, Roy chose this moment to walk into his office. Oh, and about the whole, being eaten thing? Yeah, that's all in the past. He's fine now. Suuure, his um..-cough cough hack- is a wee bit smaller now, but he doesn't get any action besides peeing anyway, so it's all good.

"Ed, get _out _of my office!" Roy snapped.

"Are you still mad about me…eating you?" Ed asked curiously, chewing on the end of his braid in that cute, adorable way he always does things.

"Noo, of course not, I completely forgot about the whole thing." Roy said sarcastically.

"Oh, goody!" Ed jumped off his desk, landing neatly on Roy's foot. "Because…because…" He burst into tears. "I MISS MY DADDY, WOY!!" He wailed.

"The hell?!" Roy said, trying to ignore his throbbing foot. He also tried to ignore the 'Woy' thing.

The blonde nodded pitifully, embracing the older man. (Not like that, ya damn EdxRoy fans!) "EVEN THOUGH I HATED HIM FOR BEING A BASTARD WHO MADE MY MOMMY DIE AND DIDN'T COME TO HER FUNERAL AND MADE ME AND WITTLE BWOTHER DEPRESSED AND THEN SEEK HUMAN TRANSMUTATION TO BRING HER BACK AND IN THAT MAKING ME LOSE MY LIMBS AND AL'S BODY AND HE WAS A TIN CAN UNTIL HE MYSTERIOUSLY GOT HIS BODY BACK, I STILL MISS MY DADDY-KINS!!!!" He yelled through his tears. "MAKE IT BETTER WOY!! MAKE THE HURT GO AWAY! MAKE ME FEEL LOVED ALREADY BEFORE I START MAKING THE SHOW MORE DRASTICALLY ANGTSY THEN USUAL BY STARTING TO DO BAD THINGS TO MYSELF WOY, CAUSE THEHURT'STOOMUCHICAN'TTAKEITANYMOREEMOEMOWAAAAAAAH!!!" **(DAMN, that's a couple of long-ass sentences. Thank u caps lock)**

"Um…there, there?" Roy said awkwardly, patting Ed's shoulder.

Ed gasped, pulling away from Roy. He pointed a shaky finger at the Colonel, eyes wide. "You…you just tried to _rape_ me, didn't you!?"

"What the-of course not!"

"You did, you did!!"

"Ed, that only happens in fanfiction, you know that!"

"HELP, HELP! ROY'S TRYING TO RAPE ME! ABUSE!!! SEXUAL HARRASMENT! HEEEEEEELP!"

"Ah, crap." Roy muttered, before being attacked by hundreds of Ed fangirls who hate EdxRoy.

"People, can't you just accept their love?" Eli asked above the shouts, riots and screams of torture. **(Hi Eli! You've just become the EdxRoy spokeswoman, appearing randomly at these type of situations, yay!)**

Ed watched them, his golden eyes looking extra wide and adorable looking as he munched on some popcorn. "This is so much better then pay-per-view."

After the mob decided that he was beat up and left and the smoke cleared, a beat up Colonel was left twitching on the ground in a pool of his own blood. Ed poked him innocently, sucking on the end of his braid. "Woy-san, you have to take me to lunch."

"B-boooooooooooobbbbbssss…" Roy groaned.

Ed pouted. "Woy-san!! I'm hungry!"

"…only if you stop calling me that."

"'Kay!!"

-

"Someone, kill me now…"

"_It's funny how a man only thinks about the –beep-! You got a real big heart, but I'm looking atcha –beep-! Got a real big brain, but I'm looking atcha –beep-! Girl, it ain't no pain when I looking atcha-"_

"_I don't give a-keep looking at my –beep-! Cause it don't mean a thing if you're looking at my –beep-! Ha, I'mma do my thing while you playing with your –beep-! Ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha!"_

"Ed, Al, get off the table!!" Roy hissed under his breath.

"But Woooooy-saaaan, I wanna finish the sooooong!" Ed whined.

"Yeah Woy-san, let us finish the song!" Al chimed in.

"Ed, Al, that's a freaking _chick_ song you guys are singing." Roy answered gruffly.

"So? I'm not sexist!" Ed retorted. _"Do you know? That I know? And I don't want to go, yeah!"_ He sang as Al did a very strange dance I can only describe if you've seen Zatch Bell.

"_Only one, only one my hahaha! Hahaha! Only want, what they wan't but na-ahah, Na-ahah!"_ Ed continued.

"_It's funny how a man only thinks about the –beep-! You got a real big heart, but I'm looking atcha –beep-! Got a real big brain, but I'm looking atcha –beep-! Girl, it ain't no pain when I looking atcha-"_ Al sang.

"Ugh, for the love of PORN, shut _up_!" Roy shouted.

Ed blinked. "But Woy-san, I don't _like_ porn." "Yeah, me neither."

"Just…sing another song. Please." Roy sighed.

"O…kay…" Al looked at Ed and smiled. Ed smiled back.

"Ed? _Whatcha gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk?_" Al sang.

"WHY?!"

"_I'mma gonna get, get, get you drunk! Get you love-drunk off my hump!"_ Ed answered in song.

"_Whatcha gonna do with all that ass? All that ass inside dem jeans?"_ Gasp, Al cursed! Or..did he?

"_Imma gonna make, make, make you scream! Make you scream, make you scream!"_

Getting into it, Ed and Al started doing the dance from the music video. Lot of the soldiers joined in, dancing on the floor while they danced on the tabletops. Like a musical!

"_Cause of my hump! My hump, my hump, my hump! My hump, my hump, my hump! My lovely lady lumps! My lovely lady lumps, in the back and in the front! Check it out!"_ Ed sang at the top of his voice.

"_I met a girl, down at the disco. She said hey, hey, hey, yeah let's go. I can be your baby and you can be my honey and let's spend time not money and mix your milk, with my cocoa puff! Milky milky cocoa, mix your milk with my cocoa puff! Milky milky, riiight!"_ Al sang, flirtasiously mixing milk and Cocoa Puffs cereal in a bowl while Ed did some dance kinda like a mix between hula hoping and belly dancing…yeah.

"Ohmygawd!! Al!" Roy yelled in astonishment.

"What?" Al halted in his Cocoa Puff mixing.

"Do you even know what the hell you're singing?!"

"About…eating…breakfast or something?"

Roy felt like sticking his head in a lawnmower. "No! It's about…about…" Roy's voice suddenly shrank, like he's been sucking on helium. Which is fun, I've done it before, and your voice goes all funny!

"About…?"

"Basically, sex." Riza said honestly from behind Roy.

Al's eyes went all huge. "It _does_?! Wow, Brother, did you know that?"

"Of course not, Al! How was I supposed to know that _My humps_ was secretly a government song racked with subliminal messages to make people knock each other up?" Ed replied, sucking on his braid. I love making him do that!

"Um…right…so could you just…sing another song?" Roy asked.

The brothers shrugged. "Sure."

"_You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel!" _They sang, doing another strange dance obviously involving humping the air…yeah…don't ask me, I'm only writing them as I sees them…right through this window…

Roy was banging his head on the table. "Ow…ow…ow…"

Ed laughed. "We're only kidding with you Roy! We have a family friendly song to sing, right Al?"

"Right Brother!" Al replied happily.

And together, the both sang the mighty, random song that is Bla Bla Bla! Which, basically goes like this:

"_A A BEN WAREM A BEN BEN WAREM BEN BEN BEN WAREM A WA TWO BEN BEN WAREM A BLA A BLA BEN WAREM A A BEN WAREM BEN BEN BEN WAREM A TWO BEN BEN!!!!!"_

It's hip, it's funny, it's annoying and it's catchy! Roy was by now, screaming his lungs out before even a minute has passed.

The Elrics laughed again. "Don't worry Roy, we have the best song EVER!"

"Eeeeehhhh?"

"_Vrais dar pleche dar numa numa i-ay!"_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

-

"Today's episode of Full Metal Alchemist was brought to you by the letter P!" The same girl from the commercial said, holding out a large piece of cardboard that said **P**.

"And guess what? P STANDS FOR POUP, MYAHAHA!" She cackled. Then she smiled and said "Hi, if you haven't realized already, I'm Ayumi! And guess what? The chapter's over, poo for you. Buuuut…

THE PYTHAGOREAN THEORUM ISH A2 PLUS B2 EQUALS C2, YAAAAAAAAAAY!"

-**Owari**

**Damn, that was fun to write! Ending made no sense, but I wanted to show off what I learned in math a couple of weeks ago. Review!**


	4. Roy vs Elmo!

**And now, I present chapter 4 of Poup! Myahaha! This one goes out to AnimeAddict333, cause I borrowed her idea in Bucket o' Parodies to make this chapter. Oh, and I could really go for a corn muffin right now. Have I mentioned that I luuuurve corn muffins?**

**Disclaimer: If I were to say that I owned Full Metal Alchemist, I would be lying. And though I do like lying, I won't lie to my readers since I love them so much. X3**

**Just in case...**

Roy

_Elmo_

**Jean**

_**Hughes**_

**--------------------**

Roy was sitting in his office, neglecting his paperwork as usual. A mini-tv was on his desk. It would seem that Roy was watching a workout video. Slightly moist girls were doing arobics in their tight leotards and whatnot. Now, if Roy was working out with them, it would be okay. But nooo, Roy was keeping his lazy ass right on his chair, watching the girls. How perverted.

"And jump! And jump! Workit girl!" Said the enthusiastic voice of the head workout person as she and her packup peoples jumped and squatted.

"Oh, I like the way _you_ work it." Roy mumbled.

"The hell?"

"Ah, don't hurt me! Oh...Ed, it's you." Roy sighed, switching off the tv and cursed under his breath.

Ed blinked as he skipped into the office. "Wooooy, I have something for yoooouz"

Roy ignored Ed, looking for his pen. He failed to noticed the possessed look in Ed's eyes, the blank yet completely adorable expression on his face, the evil psycho smile on his lips, the thumb in his mouth (wat the??) and the bulge in his pants. Not gonna go on further then that, cause I fear my fangirl side will take over.

"What it is Ed." Roy said in an irratated tone.

"Weeeeeeell." Ed stuck his hand in his pants and searched around for something. Roy looked disturbed. Ed pulled out an Elmo doll thingy...well, that explains the bulge. And yeah...I know what you're thinking...you **ALL** want to be that Elmo doll.

Roy was staring at the Elmo doll, starting to feel sick. Just...how long was that in there for?

Ed patted Elmo on the head. "Here we go!" He smiled his smexy psycho smile at Roy, putting the Elmo on the desk. "You take care of him right?" He got all teary eyed. "They grow up so fast...don't they Roy..."

"...huh??"

"I'm gonna miss ya, buddy!" Ed huggled Elmo, then waved his napkin at Roy, saluted and toppled out a window.

Roy blinked again and shrugged. This hasn't been the first time Ed's fallen out of a window. And probably not his last. He glanced at the Elmo on his desk one last time before getting down to work...meaning he turned on the tv and watched girls work out again.

-

"Around and around we go, shall we stop? Who knows!" Yup, the workout girls were on the ground, spinning bicycle circles with their legs. Roy chuckled.

Elmo twitched.

Roy leaned closer to the screen, his cheeks dashed with red.

Elmo blinked and looked at him.

Roy didn't notice.

Elmo scooted itself next to him and watched with him.

Roy was still being a perverted.

"I sneak into houses and molest people while they are asleep!" Elmo stated.

Roy fell out of his chair. He stood up, staring at the Elmo doll. Did...did Elmo just talk?! Well, sure, they have fancy gadgets that make Elmo do that, but...molesting people?! What the crap!

"Nyehehehehehehe."

Okay..now Elmo's...laughing...weeeird.

"I am going to f-beep-ing kill you, muthaf-beep-!"

Holy...Isn't this a kid's toy??? Roy looked closely at Elmo.

Elmo bitched slapped him and flipped him off. "Shove that up your fat-ass, you stupid pile of bullshit!"

"Okay, that's it." Noone calls Roy fat and gets away with it! Oh, and a pile of bullshit but...really! Look at Roy's girlish figure and call him fat. Go on, do it!

After torching the readers that did call him fat, Roy faced the Elmo with a glare. He got ready to snap his fingers when...

"Nyehehehehe...missing something?" Elmo stood up, Roy's gloves on his scrawny red fingers. Roy gaped at him. Okay, time for help. He reached for the phone, dialing the toy help survice place thingy while Elmo pretended to squirt all over Roy...ewww, sexual immundo much.

**"-click- Hello?"**

"Uh, hi, is this...wait...2nd Luiteneant Havoc?!"

**"Oh! Crap..."**

"What the hell are you doing!?"

**"Oh...um...you must be mistaken, my name is uh...Richardson...DeCaprio..."**

"Ah, really? Sorry Richardson, I...hey, wait a minute!"

**"Okay, okay, it's Jean. What's up?"**

"Well, Ed just gave me his Elmo doll..."

**"...huh??"**

"Yeah, and it's kinda...acting up. Making all kinds of curses and gestures and really naughty stuff. How can you sell theses things to kids???"

**"...what the crap are you talking about?"**

"Ah, look." Roy held the phone to Elmo.

_"What the f-beep-! I'm going to kill you! Nyehehe!"_

**"...Roy..."**

"Isn't it weird? Wait, look-"

_"Ohhh, you think you so smart? Well, f-beep- me!"_

**"..."**

"See? It's using profanity! You heard it, right? Don't tell me I'm going crazy!"

**"Uh...yeah, I heard it."**

"Look Havoc, don't make me sue your ass off. This is some serious stuff!"

**"Roy...that can't be our Elmo doll."**

"It is-GAH! Ohmygawd, Elmo just smacked my ass!"

_"Nice one, big boy!"_

"EW!"

_"I'mma gonna kill yer momma with a bloody axe! Nyehehe!"_

"Ah! Jean, you hear that??"

**"Yeah...uh, Sir?"**

"What? Oh, wait, it's talking again."

_"Shaddup Jackass! Nyehehe! I smoke crack! Ohhhh,"_

"Havoc, Elmo's promoting drug use!!!!"

**"Um...Sir? Okay, I'm letting you talk to the manager."**

"Okay, just hurry."

_"Nyeheheheeee!"_

_**"Hello? How may I help you?"**_

"Hughes?!"

**_"Oh! Hi Roy!!"_**

"What the hell are you doing there!?"

**_"...I have a whole other life you don't know about Roy..."_**

"...anyway, are you manager?"

**_"Yes I am."_**

"I have like, this defective Elmo doll and it won't-"

**_"Wooooah Roy, what are you doing to said Elmo doll? Cause if you're doing something you really shouldn't...ya know, I know this GREAT place with people who have problems like you..."_**

"Hughes, what the hell do you think I'm doing to Elmo?!"

**_"As long as you use protection Roy..that's all I ask..."_**

"HUGHES!"

**_"Ahahha just joking, okay, go on."_**

"Okay, well Elmo is spitting out all these vulgar things and...demonic phrases and all, and I swear, I WILL sue your ass off!"

**_"What's Elmo saying?"_**

"Ahh, hold on."

_"Ksfgsnpfd...aigandpfasdiofasdpohprdga-a.k.a. demonic noises-"_

**_"Woah..."_**

"Yeah, and it's head is spinning...okay, I'm gonna try to get it to talk."

_"Dsfgssfgbweg-you're a little man-whore, aren't you? Nyehehe!"_

**_"Ooookay, Roy, are you sure you got it from us?"_**

"How the hell should I know, it's Ed's doll! More importantly, ELMO JUST CALLED ME A WHORE!"

_"You smell like a camel's ass...ohhhhh,"_

"What kinda toys are you people selling there!"

**_"W-w-well I know we sell-"_**

"I'm SO turning that place into a porno magazine place when I get through with you! This thing's scaring the hell outta me!"

_"Die! Die! Dieee! Nyehehe!"_

"Freaking wants me to die! How mean!"

**_"Do you know where Ed-"_**

_"I will spit acid in your eyes and blind you! F-beep-er!!"_

**_"Oh my gawd!"_**

"Elmo's gonna spit acid in my eyes and blind me! How will I see porn?! Help me Hughes!"

**_"I know, I heard! Crap!"_**

"Should I call the police or like, the FBI??"

**_"I...I don't know what to do!"_**

"What do you mean you don't know what to do! You're freaking manager!"

**_"Dood...I just walked in here and put on the uniform..I don't really work here."_**

"ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?!?!?!"

_"Ohhhh, I'm gonna give you gonorrhea!! Nyehehehe!"_

"GAH! Hughes, Elmo wants to give me a sexually transmitted disease! That means he wants to rape me!-sobbing sounds-"

**_"...I have NEVER heard Elmo say that...I mean, he's talking in the 1st person now!"_**

"What the crap! Don't make me kill you...again!"

_"I gotta gun! I'mma gonna shoot you now! NYEHEHEHE!"_

"Hughes, he's threatening me with a gun!"

**_"Yeah, I heard but-"_**

"AAAH! HE'S GOT A GUN, HE'S GOT A GUN!"

_"NYEHEHEHEHEHE!"_

**_"Uh..."_**

HE'S GOT A GUN!

-BANG BANG BANG BANG BABABBANG-

"GYAAA! AAAAAAAGH!! NYAAAARRGH!"

_"NYEHEHEHEHEHEHHEE!!!"_

-BANGABANGABANGBANG BAAAAAAAAANG-

"YAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH!"

_"NYEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHE!!!!!"_

"GAH! Oof! ...erg..."

_"NYEHEHE!-sounds of pants being taken off then some censored sounds-"_

**_"Roy?! ROY! Oh gawd...I..-click-"_**

On an unrelated note, Winry's body was found strewn in pieces over Las Vegas. Ed cried for 5 minutes before finding a nickel and naming her Betty. Winry's blood spelled out: NYEHEHEHEHE!

----

**Thank you AnimeAddict333!! Hope you liked this chapter! Please review! **


	5. Author's Note

**_Once again...another series I'm discontinuing for personal reasons. Real sorry everyone but this is something I have to do._**

**_-Ayumi Elric_**


	6. And the second author's note

**And now the 3rd installment of this uh...prank! XD Yes, it's true, it's all a prank for April's Fools. XD As if I'd ever end any of my fanfics that aren't really done.**

**POUP IS FOR LIFE! IT SHALL NEVER DIE! MYAHAHAA!**

**Ayumi**


	7. Pranked!

**Yay for the update!!! Ahaha, yeah, sorry for the prank. Just haad to do it. Course it was a bit harsh...oh well!**

**Disclaimer: ianpasdjfpa**

**Yeah!**

**---**  
Ahh, it was a beautiful day. The birds were chirping, the squirrels were collecting nuts, the fangirls were plotting HQ takeover...o.O...yeah, okay...

Everything was normal...except in the Central Headquarters Cafeteria...

"RED DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWNNNNNNN!" It was an attack! Baloney and poup flew everywhere! People were screaming like little girls and running all over the place, falling left and right! It was a massacre!

"Brother, I've got the top floors secured!" Al said with a salute.

Ed grinned evilly. "Excellent, I'm almost done around here." He said, grabbing a huge glob of Tomato Tapioca poup and stuffed it into a gun.

Al's eyes widened. "Brother, that's the rarest, most powerful poup there is! What are you gonna do with it?!"

Ed aimed at the Fuhrer, who screamed in his high pitch voice. "Fullmetal, you can't! I still have to go bowling Tuesday!"

"MYAHAHAHAHA!!!" He shot, the red, bubbly glob flying through the air and smacking him full in the chest. Bradley screamed, falling to the floor and flopping around like a fish on crack before stilling.

"YES, THE FUHRER HAS FALLEN!" Ed and Al cheered.

"EEEEEEDDD! AAAAAALLLLL!" Oh no... it was him...it was...

"Flame Alchemist, Roy Mustang!" Al gasped, pointing a shaky finger at the Colonel; who was by the way, dripping wet and had something gooshy and brown all over him.

"Back from the sewers Roy?" Ed asked, giggling.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU STUFF ME DOWN A TOILET FOR?!?!" Roy bellowed.

"Because Roy..." Ed grabbed a microphone. The room darkened, and a spotlight fell on Ed, who was on his knees. Snow fell softly behind him.

"Because I had a dream! I had a dream that I could bring my Mommy back from the dead, and we'll be happy again!" Ed said into the micrphone, all tearful and sparkly. "But did that dream come true Roy?! No, it did not!"

Al crawled into the spotlight, sniffling sadly and hugging his older brother. "It hurts." He agreed.

"So fine, I failed...so if I'll fail, I'll bring the world with me! We'll ALL live down in Hell, everyone as my servents, it'll all be mine! MINE! MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Ed threw his head back and laughed madly.

Roy stared at Ed like he was crazy.

"Al! Join my in my evil laugh! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

"MWAHAHAHA!"

Roy pulled out a large wooden mallet and whacked the two, knocking them out.

-

"Roooooy, I'm gonna sue! This is abuse! Child harrassment...or something!" Ed whined, kicking his feet around. He was leaning on a wall, wrapped tight in a straight jacket.

"I don't care Ed." Roy said, watching his mini-tv on his desk.

"How come Al didn't get the jacket! He was just as high as I was!"

"Because...he promised to be good if I let him play with my gloves." That's when sounds of explosions, screaming and maniac laughter wafted in through the window. "Ahh, shit."

"Yea-yuh, little brother!" Ed cheered.

-5 minutes later-

Ed pouted, entertaining himself by seeing if he could kick his own head, getting upset after he found that he couldn't. "Rooooy, I have to go pee!"

"Too bad." Was Roy's reply.

"But Roooy, I drank like, 5 cans of Coke and I really really reeeeally gotta go!"

"Well, that's what you get for staging a hostile takeover." Roy said, sticking out his tongue.

Ed kicked his feet around more. "Roy, it's not good for my kidneys to hold it in!"

"So what, you can live with one kidney."

"I hate you!" Ed said tearfully.

"Nooooo, how will I live the rest of my life knowing Ed hates me." Roy said sarcastically.

"Wow Roy, never knew you cared." Ed said in awe.

"I don't." Roy said flatly.

"Then why the hell did you say that for?! Geez, and people say I need help." Ed muttered.

-another 5 minutes later-

"...I want a donut." Roy got up and started to walk out of the office when he felt himself stepping in something wet. He blinked and looked down at the large yellow puddle he was stepping in. A vein popped on his head. He glared at Ed, who was innocently rocking back and forth and humming Bratja.

"Ed..."

"Yes Roy?"

"...what's this on the floor?"

"Pee!" Ed cackled like a madman.

"How did it get here??"

"I did it!" Ed said proudly.

"You peed on my floor?!" Roy said, enraged.

"Yup, yup!"

"Okay, back to the asylum with you." Roy said, grabbing Ed by the back of his collar.

"Oh boy! They have crackers there!" Ed said excitedly as he was dragged out.

--

**Whoo, that was sooo much fun to write!! X3 **

**Hey! Hey, you see that button there? That one marked 'Go'?? Let's play a game called 'Review Poup!' Doesn't that sound fun? Doesn't it?! DOESN'T IT?! n.n**


	8. Power through fanfiction!

**_Hahaha, this is cool...Oh! This is where we do the uh...author's note thingamabobbers, right? Okay, well um...I'm Ed Elric and I found Ayumi's computer and decided to make a chapter!_**

**_Cuz ya kno, whoever controls the fanfic controls the power...BWAHAHAHAHA!!!_**

**_Anyway uhm...there's something I have to do here, right? Yeah...a disclaimer or something? Okay, uhm...wait...why cant I own Full Metal Alchemist??? It's my freaking show! I SAY I DO OWN IT! HA! (only kidding...dont hurt me)_**

**_----_**

Okay, so it was a pretty okay day in Central. -.-; That's kinda boring...where's the ultimate power to make people do what I want?

Lets say that Roy was working in his office...and by working I mean watching porn. He suddenly jumps onto his desk, ripping his pants off to reveal a blue miniskirt.

...okay, I'm not saying I want that to happen. It's just funny alright?!?! I'M NOT GAY! -ahem-...anyway...

"I AM TARZAN! KING OF ALL YOU MONKEYS!" He bellowed, leaping out of a window. But of course, no one cares...

So then...lets say Envy appeared! With his hair all wrapped up in a towel, and only wearing another towel.

...I-AM-NOT-GAY. Moving on,

Envy shrieked like a little girl. "EEEEK! OMFG!"

"What is it, what is it?!" Scar shouted, running over.

"I coulda sworn I was in my room, and now I'm here!" Envy said in a rushed voice, tears pouring out of his eyes. "This is horrible! It was tea-time with Mr. Snuffles and now the cookies will get cold!"

Scar stared at him and blew his head up. Envy died...and Scar skipped out of the room. "Lalalalala!"

Okay, what now...uhm...I really don't know what to say besides the fact that Wrath and Al had Dante tied to a railroad and the train was coming at a great speed and Dante was screaming her head off and PMS-ing all over her dress. Then SPLAT! Ahahaha...-ahem- Okay...

On the ground, Roy was laying twitching in a pool of his own blood. Riza walked over to him and started poking him with her gun, which wasn't such a good idea, cuz he accidently shot him in the head.

She gasped. "Sir??!! Sir!! Speak to me!" She wailed, searching his pockets for money. "Roooooooy!"

Nearby, I was donating money to charity and spreading love to the world's children when I heard a cry for help. I gasped. "Im coming, tortured soul!"

_Brother, whatcha doin?_

**_Agh, for the love of crap Al, I'm trying to write something!_**

_Oooooh! Sounds fun, can__ I join in?_

**_-sigh- Fine._**

Anyway, I started heroicly running to the scene. "What happened?"

But me, Alphonse Elric had gotten there first with my legion of kitties! "What seems to be the problem Miss?"

"R-roy...he got shot!" Riza wailed, counting out her wad of money.

"Shot!" I gasped, looking at the damage. It seemed like...he was shot in the head...and the red color of the liquid was pretty.

"Oh no! He's bleeding!" I said, pointing in horror at the hole in his head.

"Nooooo, really?" Riza muttered. "Cool! 5, 000 bucks! I'm rich!"

Riza ripped off HER clothes in a flourish, turning out to be wearing a tight black leather dress. She jumped into a car. "To Vegas!" She yelled, drivivng off.

"Wait! What about Mustang??" I called after he, but she was too far away.

"Brother...I don't think he'll make it..." I said sadly, kicking Roy's head a few times to try and stop the blood flow. He only bled more, go figure.

"I'm sorry Roy!" I cried, dumping him into the large hole I had dug while Al was kicking Roy's head. He made the sound of a drugged koala.

"Why a koala?"

"They're cute and fuzzy, duh."

"Ahh, touche."

--

_**Okay, I think that's long enough.**_

_That was fun Brother!_

**_It was! Let's do it again next time!_**

**-yawns- Wow, that hot chocolate really knocked me out...wait a second...Ed?! Al?! The hell!**

**_Crap, the sleeping potion wore off!_**

_Run Brother, ruuuun!_

**DAMMIT, HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN MESSING UP MY FANFIC AGAIN?!?!**

_**I'M SOOORRYYYYY! -runs like hell-**_

_Brother, don't leave me with her!! -follows-_

**GET BACK HERE!! Oh, and please review. n.n -chases them with chainsaw-**


	9. P words

**Okay, so I don't really know how to start this chapter...lets see...-thinking- Oh! Author's Note, of course!**

**So yeah...this is my Authors Note...brilliant, isn't it? Yeah...**

**I'm just doing to start now...**

**Disclaimer: Yeah...no...**

**-**

This chapter is going to make no sense because I haven't had my daily dose of Pixie Stix which is of course the kid's crack even though all it does is send me into a coughing fit which is highly uncomfertable cuz I don't like coughing, sneezing is better even though it gets me dizzy, but as I was saying this chapter is just random-er crap then I usually come up with, it won't even have like, a plot, cuz I'm awesome like that, of course none of the chapters have a plot, actually, they kinda do, eh, maybe not, hey look, a butterfly, butterflies are pretty but not when you squish them cuz they get all icky, what was I talking about, oh yeah, this chapter makes no sense cuz I think I developed ADD from Mar's fanfic, so blame her for the not-sense-making-ness of this chapter, that's why it doesn't make se-

"WHOULD YOU GET ON WITH IT ALREADY?!!?!" Ed yelled, flailing his arms around.

Well, soooooorry, I just wanted to inform the readers that this chapter makes no sense geez Ed, you're so rude. -.-

Ed pouted. "But you've said that like, 500 freaking times! And its a waste of chapter space."

So? Anyway, you might be wondering about the chapter title! Well-

"What chapter title?" Ed blinked, looking up at the pale blue bar WAY over his head. "Hey! Cool, a chapter title!" He blinked. "Hey, why do they all start with P?"

"She was getting to that, so shut up!" Roy yelled from his desk, sighing as he flipped through another page of his magazine.

-.-; Thank you Roy. As I was saying-

"Chapter 4 starts with R!!!!" Ed yelled in fury, pointing at it.

...well, an R is only a P with a little tail at the end...I learned that in kindergarden...

"Just let the woman talk already!!" Roy snapped.

"What if I don't want to!?"

Oho! You dare challenge the power of a fanfiction author???? Didn't you learn what we could do last chapter?!

"...oh, I'm sorry, were you saying something? I was too busy not listening." Ed said with a small sigh.

THAT'S IT! Suddenly, a hole appeared under Ed, sending him hurtling down the abyss, where thousands of hungry fangirls awaited him!

"NUUUUUuuuuuuu..."

Roy shuddered. "That was evil."

"So?" A girl walked into the room, tugging irritably at her hair hanging in her face. "He was annoying me."

"Ooooh, and who might you be?" Roy asked, winking at her as he checked her out.

"The author." Her eye twitched. "You know, Ayumi?"

"Crap...that mean I can't have sex with you?"

"GOODBYE!" Ayumi pushed him into the hole of fangirls, as another happy cry of bliss yelled out from inside. Roy screamed.

"...dammit, I ran out of characters to be idiots with..." Ayumi muttered, scratching her head. " AL! MYSTERIOUSLY APPEAR!"

Al appeared...mysteriously. And he was wearing an apron and had a mysterious...red...liquid all over him.

"Oh gawd, Al!" Ayumi screamed in horror, covering her face.

Al blinked. "What?" He held up...a fajita. "I was just making sauce!"

Ayumi sniffed the apron. "...in Dante's blood?"

"...dogs need to eat mexican food too."

"Ahh, touche." Ayumi shrugged, looking around. "Hey, I don't exactly think we had a convo that made absolutely NO sense, right?"

"Oooo! Let's have one now! So like...how's the weather?"

"Well Ayumi, its 80 degrees today! The sky is completely clear, as if it were summer, I'd say it's time to hit the beach!" Al said excitedly.

"Is it now?" Ayumi looked out the window, staring at the blizzard that happened to be taking place JUST on Central HQ. "..."

"But like...we'd freeze to death, HEY! Where's Brother?"

"Probably being stripped and mauled to death by adoring fans." Ayumi replied casually.

Al's eyes widened like woah. "Oh gawd! Brother, I'm coming!" Al dived bravely into the hole, only to scream in horror.

"Yeah, that was idiotic..." She sighed, clapping her hands. Ed and Al appeared next to her.

"Don't do that again! That was scary!" Ed wailed.

Ayumi shrugged. "Hey, you guys still have Roy's credit card from chapter 2?"

Al gasped. "You're right! We do!"

Ayumi beamed. "Yay! Let's go buy stuff on credit 'til it maxes out!"

"Yeah!" They ran out.

"WAUGH! DON'T LEAVE ME HEAR!" Roy yelled, using the wrong form of the word 'here'. But they left him there and he got fangirled to death, then the girls did...stuff to his body and everyone lived a happy ending...yeah...

-

**XD That was fun! **

**Oh! See the blue tab thingy in the bottom? Click one of those! Any of them! ...except like...the reporting abuse one...I only abused Roy (and Dante) in this chapter...n.n Byez!**


	10. Pancakes

**Yay, it's Mother's Day! And like, I'm hungry cuz I'm starving myself cuz I'm going to an all u can ea buffet in an hour...and yes, I can eat alot, even when I aint hungry. MYAHA! **

**Disclaimer: Merh...dun own nuttin.**

**DONUTS!**

**---**

Envy was sitting in his room, humming a happy song and paining his fingernails black. He had his back to the window, a stupid mistake because...

"NII-SAN!!!" Ed squealed, jumping through the window and pouncing on the homunculus. Envy screamed. "Dammit Ed, don't you ever knock!?"

"It wouldn't be a surprise then!" Ed pouted. "And ya know I like surprising ya, Biggest Bestest Brother!"

"Go away." Envy replied, turning back to his nail polish. "Gawd, I wish you never found out we were related."

Ed got all teary-eyed. "But...But Nii-san..." He started crying. "Waaaaah, Brother hates me!"

"Waugh! Don't cry!" Envy yelled frantically, flailing his arms around. Ed continued to cry anyway, making alot of fangirls also cry because it was sad and that he looked UBER cute crying.

"Okay! Okay, stop! I don't hate you!"

"Weally?" Ed sniffled. Envy sighed, rolling his eyes. "Yes, really."

"Yay!" Ed squealed, glomping the Sin. Envy stiffened. "Ahh, the love...it burns..." He muttered.

"Make me some pancakes Brother!" Ed yelled in a quick subject change after he let go.

Envy started to say no, but he noticed Ed's uber cute sparkly eyes and had to say yes, in fear that the whole sappy 'Brother hates me' thing would start again.

Ed squealed, running out of the room. Envy followed him, wishing that Roy was here.

-

"MYAHAHAHA!!!" Al yelled, running around Roy with a rope in his hand, securing his binds to the chair.

"Mmpfh!" Roy thrashed around, trying to bite off the tape on his mouth.

Al grinned all evil and psychopathic. "Ladies!" He called, opening the door in a dramatic flourish. Roy's eyes expanded to mucho size as a swarm of fangirls rushed into the room and started fangirling at him.

"Oooo! Roy, you so cute!"

"Marry me!"

"Have my kids, Roy!"

Al threw his head back and cackled evilly. Riza noticed the sudden fangirl invasion and rushed inside, gasping at the sight.

"Back off, he's mine!" She cried out, pulling out her gun.

-

"Wraaaaaaaaaaath!!" Ed tackled the younger homunculus, rolling around on the floor with him, as they both laughed their heads off.

"Get a room." Envy muttered, making them gasp and scramble to their feet.

"WE'RE NOT GAY!"

"Course your not." Envy rolled his eyes, pulling out a frying pan and starting to heat it.

"Oooo! Pancakes??" Wrath gasped.

"Yeah, whatever."

"Yay!" A few minutes of silence passed. "Is it hot yet?" Wrath asked, sticking his finger onto the hot metal. "OW!"

"Idiot!" Envy yelled.

"That hurt..." Wrath muttered tearfully, sucking on his burnt finger.

"Is it?" Ed poked his finger in there. There was a sizzling sound, then Ed started crying. "Waaaah, it's my automail, I can't feel it!"

Wrath patted his back. "Dun worry, I'll show you it's hot." He said, poking his other finger in. "OW!"

Envy sweatdropped. "Uh..."

"HEY! You just burned my hand, you jackass!"

"It ain't your hand no more, so NYAH!"

"Screw you!"

"Your mom!"

"...that was mean." Ed sniffled.

"I'm sorry." Wrath pouted, patting Ed's head.

"UGH, YOU BOTH ARE IDIOTS! I CAN'T TAKE THIS!" Envy suddenly shouted out, running off and vowing murder of all the chickens in McDonald's farm. E-i-e-i-o...

"WAIT, THE PANCAKES!" Wrath yelled after him.

"We'll make some ourselves!" Ed said, in his secret language that really meant of course, 'Let's steal all of Envy's barbies and cook them!'

Wrath nodded, understanding the lingo completely. "Yay!"

-

**Yes, I'm high. Glad that you noticed!**

**REVIEW DAMMIT!**


	11. Pulp and other orangey stuffs

**Yay for an update! Okay, like, yeah, nothing to say...**

**Disclaimer: Ik bezit niet de Alchimist van het anime Volledige Metaal!(dutch) Je ne possède pas le plein alchimiste en métal d'anime! (french) Ich besitze nicht den anime vollen Metalalchemisten! (german) Non possiedo il alchemist pieno ** **del**** metallo ** **del**** anime! (italian) Eu não possuo o alquimista cheio do metal do anime! (portuguese) ¡No poseo a alquimista lleno ** **del**** metal ** **del**** anime! (spanish) Anyway I say it, I still don't own FMA! And the orange idea is from TheQueenOfMediocrity, read the original!**

**Fight the power! Free the oranges!**

**- **

Roy was sitting in his office, leaned back in his chair with his feet on the desk (on top of some important papers he should be working on, I might add). Totally relaxed and calm, glad that for once, the Elrics weren't here to bother him. He sighed happily, deciding to eat a juicy orange. That was his first mistake...

He was halfway through his orangy snack when he heard an angry shriek. He blinked, looking around, then shrugged, stuffing the rest of the orange into his mouth.

"YOU BASTARD!" Ed crashed through the ceiling, debris raining down everywhere. Roy gasped in surprise, which was stupid because it make him choke on some of the orange.

Ed's eyes widened as he stared at the orange pulp in his mouth. "Roy, how could you?!" He yelled tearfully, starting to throttle him.

"Graaaahgh, Erard, hrm shokein!" Roy shouted through his orange.

"To a poor defenseless orange too! You're a murderer AND a bastard! DIE!"

"Ed!" Roy shouted, bitch slapping his subordinate. Ed gasped, staggering back and touching his cheek.

"You meanie! I'm telling!"

"Look Ed, I'm not in the mood for your crap right now, so scram." Roy muttered, rubbing his throat.

"Colonel, I'm insulted! I do not appreciate you openly insulting my caring for the being and welfare for the soon to be endangered species of the common orange, so if you would _please_ stop being a perverted, incompetent **FOOL**, I can tell you what I have to say and dismiss myself!" Ed stated, sniffing indignity.

Roy stared at him, trying to comprehend what was just said. "...huh?"

"Shut the hell up!"

"Oh..." Roy sighed, knowing Ed wasn't gonna leave if he was run over by a bulldozer. Man, how he wished he had a bulldozer..."Okay, go on then."

Ed beamed, getting into a dramatic stance. "Now, first I wanna say, aren't YOU glad you're not an orange?"

"Uh...yeah...sure...whatever..."

"I'm being serious, Mustang! Think of it, it's a wretched life!"

"Ed...they're inanimate objects." Roy blinked.

"As if! Imagine THIS scenario...at first, yeah; it's a good life, being an orange..."

"Oh, great.." Roy groaned slowly.

"Cuz really, you're this pretty little bud and ya smell nice and all... and you hang out with your orange friends and family, just hanging on the Mother Orange Tree, getting nice and round, ya know...orange stuff." Ed nodded slowly. "But then...this _giant-_"

Roy snorted, interrupting. Ed glared at him. "Shut up, humans are _huge_ compared to the diminutive size of an orange!"

"Or to you..."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD LIVE IN THE SEED OF AN ORANGE?!?!!"

"See, I knew your short rant would have to do with oranges..." Roy mused.

Ed shook it off, returning to his rant. "This giant just comes up to you and grabs you, and he stuffs you into this basket, then into a crate with all these strange stranger oranges, away from home and your peeps...and what if you were on the bottom?! You'll be all squeezed and cramped from other orange bodies! Then, you'd have to be stifled on the bottom of the pile of oranges, living in discomfort, squashed, desperately hoping that someone will come and take you away from this misery, oh gawd, when will it end?! I want freedom!!!"

Roy inched his self closer to the phone. Ed really WAS taken out to early from the asylum...

"Then! Finally! Freedom comes! You can finally breathe, nice and safe...but oh, no, once again, you're stuck into a NEW hell, one called a shopping bag! Oh gawd, why?! WHY!?!?!" Ed dropped to his knees and sobbed.

Roy stared at him, deciding that Ed was crazy and should get mental help like _now_.

"Oh no, it doesn't end there...you're stuffed into another bag, and another, then into the trunk of someone's car, where you're thrown around with things you ain't see before! Like...bread and...and..._jerky_." Ed screamed in horror.

"Jerky..." Roy repeated numbly.

Ed nodded, his eyes wide and scared and cute looking. "And then! You're thrown into a fruit basket, with all these other fruits you don't know, like this long yellow one and this...this shiny red thingy and...you're just so scared, being the poor little orange, there's no hope that I'll be free! You just wallow in your misery...wishing you were home!"

Roy was starting to notice that it sounded like Ed thought he was an orange. He blinked again.

"Then a new, scary hand grabs you, and you just know...the suffering's gonna be over soon, but at a terrible price!! They lift you high into the air, tear off your skin from your shaking body, AH, THE PAIN!! WHEN WILL THIS TORTURE END?!?!" Ed fell to the floor and writhed in an orangey agony.

Roy stared like woah, another sweatdrop cramming itself in the crowd of sweatdrops already gathered there. "Uh...Ed?"

"And then they rip apart your segmenty insides and eat you! Swallowing the tart yet sweet nectar that is your blood, and you die in the bowels of the human stomach!!!" Ed did one final scream before falling limp, twitching a bit.

Roy sweatdropped yet again, picking up his phone. "Hi, is this the local Asylum? Yes, I would like to request someone for you to pick up...yes, I can wait..."

Ed suddenly jumped to his feet and threw the phone out the window. Roy stared dumbstruck at him. Ed jabbed a finger at his face.

"Now! Aren't you glad you're not an orange?"

"...yeah...sure..." Roy coughed. "But you are fully aware that oranges have no emotions, right?"

"That's because we've MADE them that way! They have nothing to live for anymore!"

"Ed...once again, they're _inanimate_ objects, they stop feeling pain after they're picked off the trees." Roy told him slowly.

"That's the point!" Ed ranted. "The orange tree...it's like their mother! Their life source, dammit! Once they're separated, there's no hope for the oranges! Cutting them off to die a slow, tortured death, like starving or something! WE'RE EATING AND **KILLING **ANOTHER'S BABY!!!!!"

Roy was now officially freaked out now. "Ed..."

"And what happens when we JUICE them! That's like, sucking their blood from their orange bodies, leaving them withered and empty...we can't let this continue! This is not an isolated problem Roy, this is wide-spread!"

"Uh..."

"THIS INHUMANITY AGAINST ORANGES CAN NOT AND **_SHALL_** NOT LAST!"

"..."

"When the rebellion starts, are you gonna be a fighter or a hater?!" Ed demanded.

"I'm...just...gonna...stay out of this, okay?"

Ed glared at him. "FINE! Be an orange hater! But I'll let you know, ONE day, you'll look back on this and you'll regret it! When you decide that the plight of orange abuse is worthy of your oh SO important time, then I'll be in the hall, NOT eating an orange!" He turned on his heel and stomped out of the room.

"Wtf?" Roy asked himself, blinking rapidly. "Yeah...he's on crack..."

"YA HEAR THAT ORANGES?!?! I CARE ABOUT YOU! YEAH! UNLIKE THAT ORANGE HATER! ...YEAH, I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU, ROY!!!" Ed yelled from outside.

"What?!"

"BECAUSE I WUUUUV ORANGES! I'LL MAKE SURE THEY WONT BE EATEN BY THE PEOPLE WHO DONT CARE BOUT THEIR FEELINGS LIKE A CERTAIN FLAME ALCHEMIST I KNOW WHO'S NAME SHALL NOT BE REVEALED -cough_ROY_cough-"

"Okay, that's it!" Roy grabbed another orange and started violently ripping its skin off. "How ya like that??? Hmmmmm????"

Ed gasped, jumping in through the window. "Oh no! Stop it! The poor orange!" Ed wailed.

Roy smirked, peeling the rest of it and slowly cutting it into evenly divided slices.

"STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!"

Roy grabbed a slice and slowly brought it to his mouth.

"NUUUUUU!!!!" Ed tackled Roy to the ground, grabbing the orange slices and weeping. "Hold on, lil' buddy! I'll save ya!"

"Get off me!"

"THAT'S IT, YOU DISRESPECTFUL OF FRUIT PEOPLES!!! YOU SHALL PAAAAAY!" Ed yelled, clapping his hands and transmuting Roy into an orange. "Fight the power! Free the oranges!" He cried out, pumping his fist into the air.

"What the- ahh! I'm an orange!"

"Muahahahaha!!!"

"Well, this is strange." Roy blinked, rolling over his subordinate.

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, ARE YOU CALLING ME SHORT, DAMMIT, WHO ARE YOU CALLIGN SO SMALL HE COULD BE LICE FOR A FLEA MITE?!?!?!" Ed yelled at both the author and the orange, grabbing Roy and starting to fling him into the air and juggle him.

"WAAAAUUUUGGGGHHH!!!" Roy screeched, his orange eyes spinning.

Ed then grabbed a knife and started peeling Roy. "MUAHAHAHA!!!"

"AAAAAHHHH! NOO! You wouldn't kill your friend, would you?!"

"I can barely call you a friend, you're more of an acquaintance that I just work for and occasionally annoy."

"Occasionally???"

"Okay….I annoy all the time."

"Oh...okay…well...-ahem-...continue."

"Okay then..." Ed continued to peel him.

Roy screamed in pain.

"MUAHAHA, NOW YOU KNOW ORANGE PAIN!" Ed cackled, finishing and cutting Roy in half.

Roy woulda fainted if I wasn't mean enough to keep him fully conscious so he can be in pain longer. Heh heh heh...

Ed continue to cackle madly, grabbing one half of Roy and squeezing him into a juicer he just transmuted.

"AAAUUUGH, THE PAIN!" Roy yelled.

"Muahaha, etc, etc." Ed grabbed the resulting glass of Roy juice and gulped it down, sighing happily and patting his stomach. "Ahh, that's some good ORANGE BLOOD!" He cackled again, grabbing Roy's other half and holding it at his lips. "Any last words?"

"You're mean! I don't think you're even Ed, you're just an evil imposter! Meanie!" Roy wailed.

"I have to teach you a lesson Roy.." Ed glared evilly and quite sexily.

"BY KILLING ME?!?!?!!!!!!!?!"

"...yes." And with that being said, Ed stuffed Roy into his mouth and chewed slowly before swallowing. "Mmmm, orange! Roy." He murmured.

-

**OMG, that was SO much fun to write. n.n Yay! And now ya'll know the life and untimely death of an orange! Remember, this ain't my idea, it was borrowed from TheQueenOfMediocrity, so like yeah...**

**Please review!**


	12. Pokemon

**Well, I've been writing alot of horror and angst and stuff, and like...I need to work on comedy more cuz it's fun and etc...so expect Poup to be updated alot more lately! n.n Yay!**

**Disclaimers are now located on the bottom in my official copyright, cuz I'm awesome like that!**

**-**

"I want to squeeze as many balls, as anyone thought ever was!! To squeeze them is my real test, to get them is my cause! I will travel cross the lands, searching far and wiiide! Each squishy ball, to understand, the power that's insiiiide! Pokeball! Gotta squeeze them all, it's you and me! Hehe, I know it's _my_ destiny! Pokeball, oooooh, they're my best friend, in a world that can't contest! Pokeball, gotta squeeze them all, a ball so true! My courage will see you through! You squeeze me and I'll report you! Pokeball! Gotta squeeze them all! Pokeball!"

And as that theme song played, panic through the world's mothers' erupted madly! The pokeball corporation was sued and was forced to change their plot AND show, to now be called Pokemon and etc. The rest was history, the original episodes of Pokeball are completely censored now and aren't fun. But my sisters and I are remaking it, catch it in Youtube when they're available!

Ahem...off topic...okay...theme song!

Cue coolie music and...

"I wanna be the very best, that no one ever was! To catch them is my real test! To train them is my cause! I will travel across the land, searching far and wide! Each pokemon, to understand, the power that's insiiiiiide! Pokemon, gotta catch them all, it's you and me! I know it's my destiny! Pokemon! Ooooh, you're my best friend, in a world that can't detest. Pokemon! Gotta catch them all, a heart so true! Out courage will pull us through! You teach me and I'll teach you! Pokemoooon, gotta catch them all! Gotta catch them all! Pokemon!"

So like, after the theme song, of course a commercial came on, like it usually does when you watch Pokemon...okay, uhhh...

-commercial-

"Hey! You! Person watching this stupid commercial instead of watching the show you came to see! I want you to buy my crap! And if not...I'll kill you!"

"No! But MY crap! Or I'LL kill YOU!"

"But MY crap is better!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is NOT!"

"Screw you!"

"Screw you back!"

"Okay!"

"What?! Don't you dare attempt to sexually harass me, you dike!"

"Muahahhaa..."

" Ah?! Ahhhh! Stay away from me, freak! Ahhhhhh! Eeeeek, nuuuuu!"

...anyone else as disturbed as I am? o.o...okay...uhm, yeah...why the hell did I write that for...uh...yeah...back to Pokemon..

"On the last episode of Pokemon, Ash Ketchum and his friends-hey, who the hell are you?! Get out of-garh! Ow...-fwomp-"

"Hiya, I'm the new narrator, Ayumi Elric." Ayumi smiled. "Okay, let's get on with this, shall we? On the last episode of Pokemon; and I promise, this has something to FMA; Al Ketchup and his friends were continuing in their journey that seems to have the same plot every episode! Stay tuned!"

"My last name is NOT Ketchup!" Al complained, flailing his arms around.

"Oh, details..."

"Hmph..."

"Uh, Al? We kinda got some non-plot important things to do right now, so can we move it along?" Roy asked, his eyes slitted for some reason...how does Brock see things with his eyes closed...hmm...

"Oh, okay." Al shrugged, focusing on the battle he was having with Riza. "Edachu, I choose you!" He shouted WAY too happily, pointing at the direction of the battle and throwing a pokeball out, despite that in the real show Pikachu has no pokeball, but whatever!

The pokeball opened and a pikachu with Ed's automail, jacket and hair with cute wittle antenna popped out, landing on his face. He clambered to his feet, looking around and twitching his adorably cute ears. "Pika?!?! Pika pi!" Translation: Wtf?! Why am I a pikachu?

"Uh...because your name fits a pikachu's name better then mine does..." Al blinked a couple of times.

" Chu." (Damn.) Edachu sighed.

Riza, ignoring this, let out some water pokemon because she's obviously Misty, cuz I don't like May at the moment cuz her new voice actor sucks. But like...so does all of them...XP

"Hahahaha, that was stupid Riza! Edachu can obviously defeat your pokemon." Al smirked smugly.

"Yeah...but..." Riza aimed her gun at Edachu.

"Pika?!?! (Gah?!?!)" Edachu yelped, jumping under Al's hat and trembling fearfully.

"That's cheating! Stay in character!" Al whined.

"Why should I?" Riza questioned, now aiming her gun at Al. He yelped and hid behind Roy. "He said it, not me!"

"We should get them now, while they're distracted." An evil voice muttered.

"Yes, let's."

"I'm all on it!" A mechanical arm shot out of the sky and grabbed Al's hat, along with Edachu.

"Nuu! My hat!!! I mean…nuu! Edachu!"

"Pikachuu!(Aaaalll!)"

"Who could've done that?!" Roy yelled.

"Prepare for trouble..." "And make it double!" Someone started, dramatic lights turning on in a large Wrath hot air balloon. How cute!

"Gasp! Even if I've heard that motto almost every episode, I still have no idea who the hell is speaking and stole my pokemon!" Al recited dramatically.

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite all peoples within our nation!"

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"

"To extend our reach to the stars above!"

"Lust!" Lust jumped out in Jessie's outfit. Roy whooped, eyes forming hearts.

"Envy!" Envy said, jumping besides her in a James' outfit, posing along with her.

"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!" Lust cried.

"Surrender now or prepare to fight!" Envy recited, holding up James' signature smexy rose.

"Wraaaaath! That's right!" Wrath flipped into the pose.

"It's Team Rocket!" Al pointed out.

"Pika pika! (No frickin duh!)" Ed muttered.

"We've come to steal your pikachu...and we succeeded! Yay!" Lust sang, victory dancing.

"We win, you lose, boogie oogie!" Envy also sang, shaking his ass at them.

"Getting nightmares..." Riza muttered.

"Idiots, this is when we should run before they try getting pikachu back!" Wrath sighed at their stupidity.

"Oh, right..."

"I gotcha." They all jumped into the hot air balloon and flew off.

"Piiiiiikaaaaaa! (Al, get me back you idiot!)"

"Hm. Don't worry Edachu, I'll save ya!" Al called after them as they flew up and away.

"Yeah...something tells me we should go after them?"

"That's a smart idea!" Al gasped, starting to run after them. "Idiot..."

-

"Pika pi! Pikachu pi pika! (Wait 'til I get my hands on you! I'll kick all of your asses!)" Edachu flailed his arms around in the cage he was in.

"Awwww, he so cute! Hi, wittle Edachu! Cootchie cootchie! A boo boo boo!" Lust gushed, poking her finger into the cage. Ed chomped down on her finger. She yelped, pulling away and glaring at Ed. "Why you violent little beast! Die!" She cried, grabbing the cage to throw it over.

"No! We worked too hard for him, Lust!" Envy wailed, grabbing the cage from her. "Besides, he's MY wittle bwother, so HA!"

"Pika pika!" Ed yelled, spotting Al running closer to the flying hot air balloon.

"Hold on, Edachu!" Al magically climbed up a tree and jumped, grabbing onto the basket.

"Hey! Get off, ya runt!" Wrath yelled, throwing peanuts at him.

"PIKACHU PIKA PI PI PIKACHUU?!!?!?(-insert short rant here-)" Edachu shouted.

"Ed, he wasn't talking to you." Al sweatdropped. "Wait, idea! Edachu, thundershock!"

"Piiiikaaachuuuuuuuu!!!" Edachu cried, releasing a giant bolt of lightning, thus shocking all on the balloon including Al. And cuz I'm lazy and dun feel like writing this no more, Ed got freed, jumped onto Al and they both fell as Team Rocket flew into the sky.

"No fair! We were so close!" Lust whined.

"And what's worse is that this outfit is really making my crotch itch! I miss my mini!" Envy sobbed.

"Why am I stuck with a couple of idiots!??!?!' Wrath yelled.

"TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" Ding! But since gravity is of course, in affect, they fell out of the sky seconds later and fell into a river, which went into a huge-ass waterfall!

"NUUUUUU!"

"Yay!" The good guys cheered, except for Edachu who instead went "Pika!" in a very cute way.

"And that was another pointless episode of Pokemon! Tune in next time to see if Al will EVER finish his journey!" Ayumi chimed in as the ending credits zoomed up.

---

**X3 This came up when my sisters and I were doing a dub. Rei said the funniest thing she's ever said in a dub, I'm so proud of her! This is how the scene went...**

**May(who was Kiyoko): Man, that guy is hot! Mmhmm! I'm getting him in my bed tonight!**

**Brock(Rei): Me too!**

**XD We were all cracking up, especially the way she actually said it. Please review!**

_© Copyright 2007 Ayumi Elric (FanFiction ID 1136837 ). All rights reserved. The series Full Metal Alchemist (Hagane No Renkinjutsushi) belongs fully to Himoru Arakawa; usage of her series and character is entirely borrowed. All rights reserved for plot, not to be stolen, copied or reproduced without the permission of Ayumi Elric._


	13. Pelvic Thrust

**DO NOT ASK!!! -gestures to chapter title- All will be explained at the end, just sit back and enjoy this Poup fillah!!!**

**---**

"Dada da dadada da!" Ed sang in a mexican rhythm and accent, dancing around Roy's desk and shaking around his AUTHENTIC maracas.

"ED! Stop dancing, dammit! It's annoying.." Roy complained, throwing his pen at Ed and missing, cursing loudly when it flew out the window instead and hit one of the fangirls gathered there.

"Nuu! I must show the world I can dance! For dancing is life! And life, me amigo, is sexy!" Ed exclaimed, tearing his shirt open much like Wandisimo in Fairly Oddparents. His fangirls outside the windows squealed loudly at his hot, sexy chest. _Damn_, he's hot..."Dada da dadada da!" He continued, now shirtlessly dancing around Roy's office.

"Okay, okay, just hurry up." Roy mumbled, sweatdropping. _Dammit, where are MY fangirls, huh???_

"Dada da dadada da FWEE!" Ed pelvic thrusted with _umpfh!_, throwing his maracas into the air. The fangirls squealed, shattering anything near that was made of glass including the Fuhrer's glass poodle...Aww...

"ED!" Roy gasped, shielding his eyes. "You idiot, this is national tv! You need a censor bar!" He snapped his gloveless fingers and a chibi Naruto ran over and held up a censored sign in front of Ed's crotch...awww...

The fangirls gasped in horror at the sign, yelling madly.

"Hey! Why am I censored for?!" Ed yelled, glaring at the chibi Naruto, who squeaked "dattebayo!" very cutely.

"Because! This is a PG show and only a T rated fanfic." Roy replied smugly. Ed stared at him. "That's bullsh-HONK!-" Chibi Naruto blew a blewhorn, almost deafinning the poor shirtless bishi.

"No profanity." Roy smirked.

Ed gasped in horror along with his fans. "WHAT THE FU-

"We inturrupt this episode of Full Metal Alchemist because its...well...-cough- anyway...please enjoy this short OOC program while we get everything under control, we're having...techniacal difficulties."

"Hi Naruto!"

"Hi Sasuke!"

"Isn't a beautiful day?"

"Why yes, it is!"

"Let's go eat ramen!"

"Sure! After you!"

"No, no, no, after _you_!"

"Let's go at the same time then!"

"Okay! Great idea, Sasuke!"

"I wuv you, Naruto! In a non yaoi way of course."

"I wuv you _too_, Sasuke! In the same way..."

"Yay!"

"Yay!"

---

**Okay, now explanation. I was watching videos on Youtube and came across Nick Can Dance, and the creator said they made it cuz they saw something about some guy censoring when some guy did a pelvic thrust for some reason. I thought it was funny, so voila!**

**Please review!!!**


	14. Patrioticness

**IcouldntthinkofanythingforthischaptersoIpiggedoutonsugaryproducts.**

**WHEEEEEEEE!!!**

**Yay for an update! SQUEE!**

**---**

"Alphonse Elric is off, to the world of the unknown, where anything is possible!" Al yelled, leaping through Roy's office window with the American flag in hand.

"Ah! My window!" Roy shouted in anguish, jumping to his feet and clutching at his raven hair. "Do you have any idea how much windows cost to fix?!"

"Of course I do! I'm not an idiot! It costs like, 2 dollars!" Al yelled, pumping his fist into the air.

Roy blinked, sweatdropping. "No, it costs about 30 thousand sens, yes you are an idiot and we don't use dollars in Amestres."

"No, but they do in America!!!!!" Al cried, jumping on the desk.

"Al, you shouldn't know about America!" Roy whined, pushing the Elric off his desk. "And where's your brother, I thought he had an appointment to remind me why I must take therapy now."

"You're in therapy cuz yo' momma's ugly!" Al suddenly yelled, bitchslapping the Colonel. Roy gawked at him.

"And Ed's home cuz he got mono, so he's sleeping!" Al told him, nodding knowingly. Roy stared at him. "Mono? ...as in the kissing disease?"

"Yeah! Ayumi told me that it was the fangirls that gave it to him while she was lying to me." Al beamed proudly. "And guess what? Ayumi has mono too."

"Uhhhhhh..."

"Flag of the U.S!!!" Al cried out randomly, whacking Roy across the head with the American flag. Roy toppled over, unconscious as Al marched around where he lay, singing the National Anthem and occasionally stabbing Roy in the head with the pointy edge of the pole the flag was on.

---

**Happy ** **Forth**** of July!!!!!**

**Review, everytime you don't, ** **Roy**** is gonna get killed again. Like that makes a difference, pfft...review anyway!**


	15. Panties

**I haven't updated since July 4th?! DISGRACE! I must be punished!!!! -sees mob with flaming torches and pitchforks- O.O...NOT NOW! AAAAHHH! -mauled-**

**T.T Ya'll are mean! For that, I ain't updating! -mob gets angry- O.O I MEAN...UHH...-runs- HERE'S A BRAND NEW CHAPTER!**

---

The fangirls outside were going wild. And no, I don't mean "ZOMG, CUTE ANIME GUYZ, KYAAAAH!!!!1131!" wild. I mean WILD! Like using chainsaws on the walls to try and get in on the action while screaming Ed's name and nosebleeding like mad, wild. Why, you ask?

Have you ever seen those pictures with Ed in the pink panties? There's a reason for that.

"Wheeee!" Ed yelled excitedly, running around Roy's office, wearing nothing except for pink girl's underwear. Can you say hot, or can you say flipping HOT!? The fangirls all cheered and started sawing at the walls more.

"Dammit, Ed!!!!" Roy shouted angrily, plugging his nose with tissues to stop the blood from flowing. He tried telling his nose before that he did NOT think that Ed was hot, but his nose was under the influence of Eli's mad yaoi wrath and bled anyway.

"Don't hate me because I'm incredibly sexy!" Ed declared, jumping onto his desk and posing with his legs spread out wide and his hands on his hips. Damn, I wish I was sitting where Roy was sitting right now...

"Agh! My eyes!" Roy cried in anguish, clutching his now bleeding eyes. "Dammit, this is like a repeat of chapter 13!!!!"

"Which reminds me-" Ed gasped. "FWEE!" He pelvic thrusted, making all the fangirls pas out from blood loss.

"GAH!" Roy screamed, toppling over with his nose exploding blood. He quickly scrambled to his feet and pushed Ed off his desk. "Ed, would you please just take that off!"

Ed blinked cutely and innocently, twirling his blonde hair on his finger. "Well, _gosh, _Mr. Mustang, I didn't know you actually _wanted _it off..." He muttered. Roy stared at him. Ed shrugged. "But if you insist!" And somehow, in a very dramatic flourish, Ed ripped his underwear off.

The fangirls woke up just to pass out again, and Roy died from bloodloss and because he dies alot in this fanfic. Ed smiled and ran off to find Ayumi.

-nosebleeds-

**--**

**Based on a dream I had a couple of nights ago. But...it was aprons, and it was Ed and Al...and...um...-blushes- hehehehe**

**Review or I'll kill Roy next chapter! -holds him hostage-**

**Roy: XO Pleeeeeease!!!!**


	16. Papercut

**Since I'm obviously incredibly dull, I jusdt realized I have more then 100 reviews now...-glomps- THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! Unless you never reviewed me before...in that case...-punts- DAMN YOOOOOU!!!**

**Anyway, I also just realized that the chapters have been short lately. So! Yay for a longer chapter!!!!**

**---**

Roy slumped in his chair as Riza walked over and dumped a huge, 8 foot pile of paperwork onto his desk. She smiled, prancing off to shoot at an innocent bystander.

"Evilly sexy bitch..." Roy muttered under his breath. The thought only make him fantasize about Riza in a hot devil outfit. _She strolls over, flaunting her stuff in a tight black bikini top and matching miniskirt, with fishnet leggings and red high heels. Tiny little red horns stick out of her head and a devil tail stuck out from that cute little ass of hers. She grins flirtily and pulls out a long leather whip. "You've been a naughty, naughty boy, Roy-_

Riza poked her head into the office and shot the puffy dreamcloud that was floating over Roy's head, snapping him out of his daydream. "Not in your life!" She snapped, slamming the door shut.

"Awww..." Roy groaned, grabbing his pen. He took a particular sheet in the middle of the huge stack and tugged it carelessly. The whole stack toppled over. Papers fluttered everywhere, littering the ground like some sort of papery snow. "Ah, dammit!" He yelled, shoving papers off his desk. "OW! PAPERCUT!!!!"

Sucking on his finger, he sighed and turned over the page of the 'seemingly important' paperwork and started badly doodling a picture of Riza in her devil outfit. He giggled to himself, his face flushing red. _Damn, I'm glad the Fullmetal Brat ain't here to ruin this. _He thought.

A second later, Ed and Al were thrown into the room through the window and landed in the pile of papers. "Damn you, Canada!!!!!!!" Ed yelled, popping out of the pile and shaking his fist at the window. "We'll get you for stealing our syrup!"

"OW! PAPERCUT!!!!!" Al suddenly wailed, falling out of the pile with a minute cut in his finger. He was crying, awwwww, so cuuuuute. "Brother, kiss it for me!!!"

"Aww, poor Aru." Ed gushed, gladly kissing his little brother's finger. Al beamed and they cuddled in an adorable brotherly AND NOT ELRICEST hug with a sparkly pink background and whatnot.

"Ahem." Roy glared at the two. "I'm _working_ here."

"I don't care!" Ed announced, sadly breaking the hug. He grabbed the paper off Roy's desk and waved it around in the air. "Oooooh, what's this?"

"No! Crap! If Riza sees this, I'm dead!!!!!!"

"Brother, let's show it to Riza! Roy hasn't died in this chapter yet!" Al suggested excitedly.

"Sure!" Ed glanced at the picture for a second and stared at it. "EW! WHAT THE CRAP!!!"

"What is it?" Al asked curiously with an adorable neko headtilt. Ed shoved the picture into his hands while Roy felt like burying himself. "Woah, Riza porn!" Al gasped, staring at the pic in awe. "Why is she holding melons?"

"That ain't melons, that's her _chest_!" Roy yelled proudly.

"OH!" Al and Ed both yelled. They looked at each other and grinned. "MISS HAWKEYE, ROY MADE MELON PORN OF YOU!!!!!!!"

"OH, SHIT!" Roy hid under the table as Riza stormed in, her eyes glowing like demons. "He what?!"

"See!" Al cheerfully handed the picture to Riza. Riza stared at it, angry anime veins popping onto her head. "Why the hell am I holding melons!?"

"Because...the Fuhrer gave them to you, yeah!" Roy said quickly from under the desk.

"Nuh uh! Roy said it was your chest!" Ed yelled, pointing at Roy. _Dammit! _Roy swore loudly.

"...Sir...?" Riza stared at him from his obvious hiding place. "Did you...really draw this?" She asked, doing the adorable pouty face that Al did in chapter 2!!! Roy squeaked like a mouse and shrunk, then crawled out from under the table and turned chibi, poking his fingers together. "Um...um...y-yes?"

"Oh..." Riza looked at the picture, then back at Roy. "My chest isn't...that big...is it?" She looked down and smiled seductively. "Would you like to find out? For real?" She asked, undoing one of the buttons to her uniform top.

"EW, YUCK, GROWN-UP LOVE!!!!!!" Ed and Al yelled in disgust, covering their ears and sticking out their tongues. They both leapt out the window and flew off. Wait, what!?

"R-really? You mean it?!" Roy turned back to normal with a popping sound and hopped over to Riza to sneak a peek. Riza smiled and suddenly grabbed a huge piece of paper. And I'm talking a 5 yard long piece of paper here. Roy's happy face dropped as she lifted it high over her head.

"PAPERCUT OF DEEEEEWM!!!!!!!" She yelled, slicing the paper on Roy's wrist, which started gushing blood.

"Gah, nooooooo!!!!!!" Roy screamed, clutching his wrist and bawling like the overgrown baby he is.

"Oh, and by the way, Roy..." Riza tossed the paper away and smiled. She quickly flashed her chest at Roy and ran off giggling like a fangirl. Roy's nose exploded with blood and he died from bloodloss. Again. Oh well!

**---**

**Fun! X3 Man, I love this fanfic.**

**And zomg, Roy, people WANT you dead! -gasp- THEN REVIEW IF YOU WANT ROY DEAD NEXT CHAPTER!!!!**

**Roy: O.O NOOOOO! XO DON'T REVIEW, PLEEEEASE!**


	17. Photobucket

**Okay, got the idea for this chapter just from basically doing the same thing that Winry was doing on Photobucket...-cough- And I just realized that I haven't used Winry in Poup yet, besides killing her in that chapter with Elmo!!! That must change! -thoughtful sigh- Maybe I should kill her every chapter too...hmm...**

**---**

There once was a fairy named Winry, who loved making machines, mainly automail and giving people concussions via wrench throwing. Oh, many people have fallen under her mighty Wrench-blade that she copyrighted from Kingdon Hearts. She was blonde, had blue eyes, was hated by at least half of the FMA fandom and loved by the other half, and in my opinion the coolest thing about her was her earrings, which she has like...5 or 6 piercings. Her parents were killed by Roy in the anime and Scar in the manga, and I probably just spoiled that to all the people who haven't read that yet, oh well, read manga online, people!!!

Where was I? Oh yes, one sunshine-y day, Winry was skipping along wearing Final Fantasy cosplay. She came across another cosplayer(who was strangely cosplaying her) who was muttering about AlxWin fanfiction.

"How dare you, EdxWin's the only allowed canon pairing involving me!!!" She cried, unsheathing her mighty Wrenchblade.

"Hah! Why would Ed want a bitch like you, he's too busy loving my very Mary Sue-ish original character! Or Roy! Because, ha, I'm a yaoi fangirl! Fear my unreasonable fangirlness and die!!!" The Winry cosplayer pulled out a matching Wrenchblade and they began to duel.

"Wind scar!!!" Winry randomly yelled, making the Wnd Scar appear and hit the cosplayer.

"Noooo, a random move from an anime nonrelating to this one has defeated me, curses!!!" She screamed as she started dissapearing into pixels, because of course, Adult Swim can't show blood in Inuyasha, even though the manga shows them being blown apart with blood splashing everywhere. Damn censorships. "AlxWin forever!" She said as she died. Winry randomly started glowing as the following words flashed in the bottom of the screen

_Winry has gained 1,200 XP!_

_Winry advanced to level 69!_

_Winry has received Wrenchblade(2)!_

"And EdxWin wins the second round!" Winry cheered.

"What the crap, this chapter makes no sense with the chapter name, get to the point already!!" Ed yelled from the audience. "Yeah! AlxWin forever!" The rest fo the audience yelled.

"Screw you!" Winry huffed, stomping off.

o.O

Okay, that made no sense. Restarting the chapter!

-

Okay, in a more realistic setting. Winry was sitting in front of the computer she shouldn't have but made anyway because she's completely ignorant of the time setting of Amestres. She scratched her head. "Dang nabbit, that's the 3rd RoyxEd fanfiction I've read today! Where's all the fanfics involving me?" She whined to herself, pulling out her wrench. "Stupid computer, die!"

She whacked it hard, making it dent. The computer flashed and the fanfiction site was randomly changed to photobucket. She blinked. "Hey, an image hosting site!" She gasped, an evil smirk on her face. "Now I can look at anime porn, yippie!"

"Kids, anime porn should not be looked at without a parental figure to supervise! That will be all." The announcer suddenly announced. Winry blinked and looked around. _What the crap was that? Hey, I rhymed! Tehehehe, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it! Hahaha, I'm so funny!_

Giggling to herself, Winry typed in Ed's name into the search bar and clicked enter. A bunch of really hot pictures of Ed popped onto the screen, all with him doing random poses while shirtless and holding maracas. _Hmm, I wonder if these were taken from chapter 13! _She wondered as she stared at a particular picture of Ed pelvic thrusting at the camera. _Man, I wanna see one from chapter 15! _She went to the second page, and there were about 50 pictures from chapter 15. Her nose randomly started bleeding. _I'm in bishi heaven, I guess good things DO happen to bad people!_

"Whatcha doing, Winry?" Al asked, suddenly popping up behind her. She screamed in alarm and toppled off her chair. He blinked, staring at the screen. Hey, chapter 15." He commented casually.

"Um, um, um, Al, I can explain-" Winry started, then stopped and stared at al. It appeared that he just came out of the shower (why he was showering in Winry's house is way beyond me), he was shirtless, dripping wet, his hair was out of its ponytail because I love him with long hair and was probably naked under that towel, yum X3.

_Why didn't anyone tell me that Al was as sexy as his brother?! _Winry yelled in her head. Al blinked and tilted his head like an adorable little neko. Winry suddenly got a very evil idea and decided to take advantage of Al's adorable innocence. Because she too has read the Fangirl Guide to FMA Bishis! "Hey Al, wanna do something...fun?" She asked with a very evil smirk that Al didn't notice.

"Okay, sure! Shouldn't I get dressed first?" He asked.

"Ah, you probably won't have to." She grinned, grabbing Al's arm and pulling him into her room. What happens next, you can decide. They could be doing anything an AlxWin fangirl dreams of, or they could just be playing poker. Either way, Al's still naked, mwahahaha!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah. Elsewhere, Roy was waking up from being dead again. He was in a room full of fangirls. "Oh, bugger." He muttered as they pounced and fangirled him to death. Again. Oh, well.

**---**

**Oh yeah, I hate WInry and only like her in AlxWin stuff, hope that didn't effect anything in the chapter...-grin-**

**And man, I got so many reviews after threatening Roy...hmm...X3 Okay, same deal, if you want Roy (and/or someone else as long as it ain't my bishis) dead, review me! Mwahaha!**


	18. Poker

**UPDATE, AHOY!!!!!!! Yatta! X3 It's my sister's Kiyoko's birthday, so I'm celebrating with a new episode of Poup! The idea came from Kiyoko, since this is her dedication chapter, which means she's actually in it. Shocker! This chapter also has one of my favorite lines in it(Sticks and stones, hehhe), that will also appear later on in a chapter of Animerica, since I love it so much. MWAHAHA!!!!**

**---**

Roy was working in his office, again, since that's usually the setting for Poup. It was dark out because the Sun had exploded earlier this year when the Elric brothers shot poup at it. At least that's what they say. In reality, it just went down, as it does every night. But _they_ don't need to know that...

Anyway, Roy was working away because Rock of Love was on later, and he wanted to see the hot girls! He was finally on his last sheet of paperwork, and relishing the moment for a minute, set to put his signature on it when...

Ed flew in through the floor! Yes, he flew. For some reason, I like the idea that he and Al can fly. Roy toppled off his chair, faceplanting onto the floor.

"Hi, Roy! I figured you were lonely and needed out company! I brought Ayumi!" Ed said excitedly, pulling Ayumi out of his pocket. Strange...Ayumi grinned as psychopathically cute as Ed was. "And I brought my sister!" She pulled Kiyoko out of _her _pocket. Roy wondered what the hell was wrong with the author.

"Hiya, hot stuff." Kiyoko said casually. She pulled out a silver tiara and placed it on my head. "It's my birthday! Submit to me!"

"Screw you." Roy muttered, climbing back onto his chair so he could work. Kiyoko smirked. "Anytime you want." She replied, making Ayumi and Ed giggle like schoolgirls.

Roy rolled his eyes. Kiyoko pulled out a deck of cards. "We're playing poker!" She announced. "But I'm woooorking!" Roy whined with a frown. Kiyoko grabbed his paperwork and stuffed it down her shirt. "Not anymore!"

"Dammit! Now I'm gonna look like a sex offender _and_ a pedophile if I go looking for it!" Roy complained. "I think that's the point, Hot Tamale." Ed pointed out.

"Anyway! The name of the game is strip! You lose something, you lose your clothes! Ultimate loser is whoever gets naked first!" Ayumi and Kiyoko announced with fangirl-ish grins directed at their bishis. Roy sweatdropped, Ed sucked on his thumb. AW!

"It doesn't matter. I'm the _King_ of Poker. I can't lose!" Roy smirked evilly.

_5 minutes later_

Everyone was around Roy's desk. Roy was trying to hide the fact that he was already naked but horribly failing and being fangirled by Kiyoko.

"This isn't fair! Ed cheated!" The Colonel cried, pointing to the blonde alchemist. Ed, who was also strangely naked, blinked and tilted his head, his thumb still in his mouth. "No I wasn't." He muttered.

"Ed, why are you naked? You won every game." Ayumi asked, trying to keep her eyes on the prize and not the package...OMG, I cannot believe I just said that! -goes into fangirly spazzy fit-

"Because I like being naked." Ed replied matter-of-factly. Ayumi grinned evilly and patted his head. "Good. Now say the line!"

Ed nodded and smiled cutely. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me! So tie me up and throw me down and show me that you like me!"

"SQUEE!" Ayumi fangirled, tieing Ed up and running out the door with him at hand. Roy and Kiyoko stared after the two, matching sweatdrops on their heads. Kiyoko then looked at the Colonel and grinned evilly. "Oh, bugger..." He muttered as she pounced.

And don't blame me, because my sister's making me say this line, since I have to kill Roy anyway...-cough- In the end, she did him so hard he died from it. Woe. -runs off nosebleeding from the images- My braaaaaiiiin!!!!

**---**

**Waugh, that was just odd. o.O Yeah...wish Kiyoko a happy birthday, or else she's gonna come after me! XO Review!**


	19. Photosynthesis

**Zomg, this is the first time I never had to edit a chapter with grammar/spelling mistaks. Whee! Zomg(I do say that alot, don't I?), I love Envy so much -squeezes him to death, only to have him regenerate-**

**So yeah, I'm probably gonna have more chapters with Envy in them, since I wuv him!**

**Envy: Dammit! ...you're not gonna kill me in them, are you?**

**Ayumi: Only in this chapter, since it was requested. **

**Envy: Damn! That's it, I'm not coming over tonight!**

**Ayumi: XO Nuuuu! -emos and sobs-**

**Ed and Al: Pudding! -Elric code for Ayumi doesn't own shit)**

**---**

Roy was taking a nice relaxing soak in his bathtub, after a stressful day of work. Dying almost every chapter can really take a toll on a guy. It's nice that the author was giving him a break this chapter and actually letting him live. Roy smiled to himself and gently patted at the fluffy bubbles in his bath. Yup, tonight would be a good night.

Feeling bored and a bit sleepy, Roy closed his eyes and just kinda...uh...floated in the bath. He heard a clicking sound and opened his eyes, looking around to see where it came from. Seeing nothing, he went back to relaxing when he heard it again.

_That's starting to get annoying, _The Colonel thought, opening his eyes again. He waited, then the sound happened again, accompinied by a minute flash of light. "Crap! The fangirls are back!" He yelped, jumping out of the bath. Luckily, all the bubbles were sticking to his...uh...well...they were censoring anything that should be censored.

"No! Not fangirls! Quick, Al, run!" Ed yelled frantically, jumping out of his hiding place behind the curtains. Al followed, looking just as adorably panicked. Roy stared at the digital camera Ed was holding. "Um...Ed...Al...what were you doing there..."

"Taking pictures of you." Ed answered matter-of-factly. He raised the camera to his eye and snapped another pic. Roy blinked twice, slightly blinded by the light, and looked down. "Gah!" He squeaked, realizing his nudity and scrambled off to get a towel.

"Both of you, out of my house, now!" Roy yelled once he had his blue towel secured safetely around his waist. Ed frowned, and Al pouted, his eyes going uber big and cute. "But...But Woy-sama! -Roy flinched at that- We're trying to practice photosynthesis!" They both said at the same time. What are they, twins?

"Erm..." Mustang scratched the back of his head in confusion. "You mean the thing with the plants?"

Al shook his head, then posed as Ed took a picture of him. "Nuh uh! We're taking 'photo's, and we're gonna give it to our 'sis, the sin!' Get it? It makes total sense!" The younger Elric explained. Roy blinked slowly. "Um...no..."

Envy appeared, coming in through the window. "I AM NOT A GIRL!!!!!!" He roared, smacking Al hard in the back of the head with a plastic rubber chicken. Ed and Roy gasped.

Al clutched his head. "Ow..." He mumbled. He sniffled. And sniffled again. Tears flooded his eyes, and he started crying loudly. "WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!"

"Oh, crap...run!" Roy warned, already taking his own example and dashing out of the room. Envy blinked, and only realized his mistake when he saw Ed glaring at him with all the fury of an older brother. "EEEEEEN-VEEEEEE!!!!!!" Ed bellowed, his automail bursting into a blade with red alchemic light. Red? Huh...guess he's that angry. Makes him look hot though.

"Mommy!" Envy managed to squeak, before Ed brought his wrath upon him. It was nice knowing ya, Envy.

-Elsewhere, while running for his life-

Roy reached the end of the hallway and sighed in relief. "Phew...good thing that wasn't me, otherwise I'd be dead now!" He grinned at his amazing feat to finally avert death. Somehow, he got himself outside and found a mob of fangirls in front of him. "Bugger!" He muttered, turning to run back inside. Somehow, the door slammed shut. "Bugger again!"

The fangirls pounced, cruely ripping off his towel and doing...uh...fangirly things to him. "Why?! Why do you hate me so, Ayumi?! Can't I ever win!!?!" He demanded, shaking his fist at the sky.

-Elsewhere, somewhere in the dimension where fanfiction writers are reality-

"Hehehe..." Ayumi chuckled from her place at the computer, reaching for her clipboard and jotting down another hatchmark. 'Ayumi- 11; Roy- O'

**---**

**Roy: Did you seriously kill me 11 times in this fanfic?**

**Ayumi: About. I tihnk so, at least. This one makes 11.**

**Ed: I wanna eat more poup! You stopped the point of the fanfic!**

**Ayumi: What point?!**

**Envy: T.T I died!**

**Al: You deserved it! -sniffle- That rubber chicken really hurt...**

**Riza: I need more scenes in this fic, damn you!**

**Winry: At least you have more then I do, I only have 1 chapter!**

**Riza: Yeah, but you supposedly rape Al in yours!**

**Winry: I DID NOT!**

**Fans: YES YOU DID!**

**Ayumi: Wtf, let's get to the point!**

**Ed: -uber cute smile- Send in reviews, pwease!**


	20. Plot?

**"What the hell do you mean you want a plot!?!"**

**Roy**** sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. This had to be about the sixth time he'd said this, but the author was stubborn and wouldn't listen to reason. But this sure as hell had to be done. ****Roy**** looked up at Ayumi's angry face and repeated himself again. "I'm bored with all these random oneshots that don't have to do with each other."**

**"Why?! Everyone else seems to like it; Poup's one of my best fanfictions out!" Ayumi argued angrily. It's true too, just a couple of days ago, the ratings -if you can call them ratings- reached most popular compared to all the other stats. **

**"So what if the readers like it, _we_ don't! And we're the ones who matter!" ****Roy**** insisted. "I mean, how do you think Ed and Al feel about this?! Have they ever said an intelligent thing in this freaking story?!"**

**"Cactus!" Ed agreed with a nod. Roy stared at him, his eyebrow twitching. Ed blinked twice, then shook his head. "No! Dammit! You see what this 'poup' thing is doing to my character!?"**

**"It's making you an idiot. So what? You're really cute in this fic." Ayumi smiled mischievously, finally settling back down on her chair. **

**"And poup really doesn't taste that good either. Couldn't you invent something yummy?" Al asked, sounding distracted. Unknown to most of the others, Al had a small yellow kitten under his shirt that kept trying to crawl up his belly, and he kept trying to bring it back down.**

**"It was last minute! That was all I could think of at the time."**

**"Just make us a plot, that's all we're asking!"**

**"And how about making ****Roy**** the idiot a couple of times!"**

**"Why me?!"**

**"'Cuz you're a bastard!"**

**"HEY!" Ayumi slammed her fist onto the table. The other three alchemists stopped arguing and stared at her. "Look, I'm not sure if you've realized, but we're really pushing it with the author's note, so let's hurry up and get on with this."**

**"Oh, right." Roy mumbled wonderingly, looking at the author's note. "I forgot that you were typing in bold."**

**"Al, what do you think? You haven't said anything in a while." Ed pointed out. Ayumi nodded and the both of them looked at Al, who squeaked and tried to stifle a giggle as the kitty's tail was tickling him.**

**"Ah-ahaha...plot...g-good..." He made out. "o.O" Ed and Ayumi went and blinked at the same time. The kitty meowed, and Al squeaked in terror that he was caught.**

**"...Al...what the hell was that?" Ed asked slowly. Al smiled nervously. "It was...um...m...my...stomach! Yeah, I'm just really, really, uh...hungry? Ehehehe..."**

**"Okay...that makes total sense...hey, wait a minute!"**

**"Okay, okay, fine, I'll put it back." Al moped and went to put the kitty back...oh...how cruel.**

**"...anyway...so, whaddya say, Ayumi? You gonna make us a plot?" ****Roy**** asked hopefully. "A plot that I _don't_ die in!" He added quickly, spotting the evil writing glint that had momentarily appeared in her eyes. She stuck out her tongue and sighed in defeat. "Yeah, yeah, fine, ya'll will get a plot..."**

**"YAY!!!"**

**"But it's only a mini-plot! And Ed will have to be my fangirl slave...for a month." Ayumi grinned evilly, and Roy could've sworn a pair of devil horns had popped onto her head for a second there. "Deal!" ****Roy**** grinned.**

**"WHAT?!?!"**

**"Success!" Ayumi cheered, pulling out a lasso. She tied Ed up and dragged her off, laughing her fangirl laugh as Ed cried and swore at ****Roy**

**Roy**** sighed anyway. "Dammit, judging by this author's note, this chapter ain't gonna be that long anyway..."**

**---**

You guessed correctly, Roy!

Anyway, to start off this extremely short, yet long chapter, we open to a scene where Ed's tied to a pole in the background and has his hands fuzzy handcuffed to the top of the pole, but that's not important now, ehehehe...oh yeah, and he's shirtless! Yaaaaaay!

Envy skipped into this fangirl's dreamland and stopped abruptly, staring at his younger half-brother. "What...the...hell...?"

Ed looked up at the homunculus and immediately broke down into adorable tears. "Envy-sempai! It was horrible! The fangirl who made this fanfic brought me hear and- and- did bad stuff and- and- aaaand...I was really scared!!!!"

"Okay, not caring." Envy made a random chair appear out of nowhere and sat on it. "You know, I hate you. You and Al _and_ Daddy. I hate you all! All of you! ALL OF YOU! I HAAATE YOOOOU!"

"I love you too, Brother." Ed said sincerely with the cutest sparkly bishi smile in the whole world. Envy stared at him, his eye twitching. "Don't. Do. That. Ever."

"Never! Love you, Bro! Love you, Nii-san! Love you, Biggest Bestest Broooothaaaaah!!!!!" Ed sang.

"Dammit! For that, I'm gonna sing! And you're gonna like it!!!"

"NO! Anything but that!"

"I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie woooorld!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

**---**

**By the way, this has nothing to do with the plot I'm gonna be putting in...yeah...gimme reviews!!! **


	21. Pfft who needs a chapter title?

**(Yes, I think I am gonna be doing the author's notes like this now. Deal with it)**

**Ayumi waved to the wall, pretending that there was somehow a large audience between herself and her computer. "Heyas, my lovely readers! Today's the start of the Poup Plot!" She stopped and snorted to herself at how stupid that sounded. "I'm just warning you all now...this 'plot' thing, is something I'm making up totally on the spot, and I'm only doing it because ****Roy**** keeps complaining on it. Geez! Can't he just die every chapter and take it like a man?!"**

**She sighed and shook her head in disappointment. "Anyway, I love all ya'll reviewers, and now, I'm two reviews away from 200! So, reviewer number 200 will later get a Poup chapter of his/her's choice! Yay you!" She gave the wall a thumbs up and winked. Ayumi's mom walked by and noticed that her daughter was talking to herself. _Oh gawd, my own daughter's insane. _She sighed.**

**---**

Roy groaned and slowly opened his eyes. _Ugh...why the hell does my head hurt so badly? _He wondered as his head throbbed with another wave of pain. He tried to touch where he was hurt and realized that he had been tied up with a heavy set of chains. "What the hell?!" He gasped, straining against his bonds. "Aw crap, _please_ don't tell me this new plot has to do with fangirls!"

"Not at all! In fact...we're going to a _magical_ place, where the fangirls can't get to!" Al informed the Colonel. Roy blinked, and realized that Al was standing behind him with a goofy grin on his face, and holding a mallet. A very large mallet. Roy recognized it as the one Al had brought when he had came into his office earlier on before this chapter started.

"Alphonse Elric, you better not tell me that you knocked me out with that mallet, tied me up, and now we're going to who knows where." Roy said slowly, trying to control his growing temper. Al's eyes widened; and he shook his head innocently. "Why would I do that? Sure, I hit you with my mallet, but _Brother_ tied you up, and _Brother's_ taking us to some island."

"An island!?! Why the hell are we going to some island?!" Roy yelled.

"I wanted to have some quality time with my Daddy and my wittle brothah!" Ed explained, popping up besides Mustang. Roy jumped back, startled that the younger alchemist had figured out how to apparate. "That's why I transmuted this boat and now we're sailing alooong," He sang.

"...we're on a...boat?" Roy echoed weakly. Ed nodded. "Yep! Is that a problem?"

"I can't swim..." The Colonel admitted shyly. Ed blinked. "Neither can I! But that's only because I never got to learn, and my automail weighs me down anyway. Why can't you swim?"

"...I don't like the water..." Roy muttered. Why, you may ask? Well, we have a very appropriate flashback to explain!

_-Flash! Aaaahhh!- (Most people wouldn't get that, unless they listen to Queen or saw AMV Hell 4)_

_Roy was standing in front of a pool nervously, a rubber duck floatie around his waist. He was about Ed's age at this time, and was biting his lower lip in fear. Riza stood besides him, the essence of a...let's say 15 year old girl in puberty. Ahhh, puberty...anyway, she was wearing a simple red one-piece. __Roy__'s bathing suit was blue and had flames on it. Go figure._

_"Roy, come on, you're not gonna drown or nothing. Just jump in!" Riza complained, squeezing droplets of water from her blonde hair, obviously indicating that she had been in the pool. __Roy__ shook his head hard. "Nuh uh! The water's...uh...cold! Yeah, that's it! I dun wanna!"_

_"Do it." Riza ordered, holding up a plastic black water gun. But it didn't hold water in it, oh no. Let's just say, whatever it was, you **don't** want squirted on you. The imagination soars..._

_Roy__ squeaked in terror. "Okay! Just...just..." He clapped his hands together and squeezed his eyes shut, like he was praying. "Please don't make me drown." He muttered. Riza rolled her eyes. _

_Roy made to jump in, when he suddenly heard a very hyperactive scream from behind him. He turned around to see who it was, and saw a 15 year old girl with long brown hair and gray-ish eyes in a polka-dotted bikini run up to him and tackle him. __Roy__ screamed as he and the girl tumbled into the water together. He tried to squirm out of her iron grip but found it impossible, and instead of doing the smart thing and trying to hold his breath, cursed very obscene words and let all his air escape._

_"Wheee!" It sounded like the girl was saying. The both of them were tugged out of the water by a woman with the same hair and eyes as the girl, but in a sensible black one-piece. "Trisha Elric, what did I say about acting this way in public?"_

_"But Moooommyyyy--!" The girl named Trisha started, but her mother shushed her. "Now apologize to the nice young boy."_

_Trisha pouted and looked back at Roy, who was gasping for his breath. "Sorry, Hot Tamale!" She squealed, and pushed him back into the pool. He flailed before sinking under again---_

Roy shuddered at the memory. Ed and Al stared wide eyed at the remaining flashback before it faded. "You knew our mother?!!"

Roy's eyes widened also. "Oh gawd, that _was_ your mom?! Holy shit! No wonder you guys annoy the shit out of me! That girl wouldn't leave me alone from that point!" He stopped ranting about Trisha for a second and stared at Ed for a long time. "...Ed...were...you, by any chance...driving this ship?"

Ed blinked innocently. "Well, yeah...why?"

"Damn! Who the hell's driving now, then?!"

BANG! The ship crashed into a rock and automatically started to sink. Ed and Al gasped at the same time. "We're sinking! Abandon ship!" They both started dashing off, leaving Roy behind. Roy watched them go, dumbstruck, until he heard two small splashes, and saw Ed and Al floating away on a makeshift raft, waving him goodbye.

"Wait!!! What about me!?" Roy yelled at them. The boat was sinking far too quickly then it should be (because, unknown to Roy, there was about a ton of poup on the bottom of the ship), and water had already filled half of the cabin. "Aw, shit...I picked a damn good time to cancel my life insurance..." Roy sighed.

**---**

**Lmao XD; First part of the strange plot!**


	22. Pomatos

**It was an ordinary Fanfiction update day. Ayumi was neglecting her homework and Spanish project as usual and instead writing up a chapter of one of her favorite fanfictions. For some strange reason, the Ayumi Elric versions of the Full Metal Alchemist characters (-the only difference being that she has complete power over them-) lived in her house unseen to anyone she doesn't feel like having them seen.**

**Roy Mustang stomped over to Ayumi's desk. He did damn well know the 'No disrupting the author, or there's hell to pay' rule, but at the moment he didn't care.**

**Hearing him approach, Ayumi turned her head and glared at him, her eyes flashing red unnaturally. Even though that never happens to Ayumi's main OC that happens to have the same name of her, it happens to the authoress when she feels like it. "I'm writing." She growled simply.**

**"I don't care!" ** **Roy**** growled back. Close by, Hughes and Havoc, who were gossiping close by the computer area about the newest Naruto episode, both gasped. Nobody doesn't care about fanfiction in Ayumi's house, that just...ain't right!**

**"Look, I'm sorry, but _you_ promised that I wouldn't die in the last chapter, and I did!" ** **Roy**** yelled.**

**"You did not! You're just assuming the worse because you're an IDIOT!" Ayumi roared back. ** **Roy**** squeaked, taken aback by her sudden anger and shied away quickly. "Geez...someone's PMS-ing..." He whispered.**

**"I HEARD THAT!!!!" Ayumi yelled, kicking him out a window. "And I am not!"**

**---**

Roy could see the light...

Yeah sure, technically, he saw the light every chapter, but it was usually a split second flash that forced a bunch of memories best left forgotten to pop up into his head from then on until the next chapter when he was alive again. This time, it was strangely different. It was more...well, pretty. Like how seeing the light should be; like a light at the end of a tunnel.

_"_ _Roy__..." _

Roy smiled. _"Mom? Is that you?" _He called out. He wasn't sure if his real mother was dead or not, but this is fanfiction, and the author could do anything she wants. A women appeared in the light, someone beautiful, all clad in white, yet strangely, horribly familiar.

_"Hot Tamale!" _Trisha squealed, running out in angel cosplay to glomp the Colonel. Roy screamed out a curse as she squeezed him in a death-hug._ "Gah! This is Hell! I wanna liiiiiiive!"_

Splash! Roy opened his eyes and coughed, wiping his face of all wetness. He stared at the blue sky, feeling confused. _What happened? I coulda sworn I died. _

"Brother; Daddy's awake!" Al called, running into Roy's side. "Had a nice nap, Daddy?"

"I'm not your father, because that would involve sleeping with your mother. And why the hell would I do that." Roy mumbled, sitting up.

"You mean you didn't? That's not what Mommy told us...hm..." Al pondered this for a moment. Roy completely ignored him to look around. It seemed like they were on an...island...Mustang gasped. "Oh, shit!"

"No, pee." Ed replied, crawling out from behind a bush. He stood up and zipped his pants up. Roy's eyes twitched with disgust. "Not _you, _ya nincompoop!"

"Oh," Ed sat down cross-legged next to Al. "...what's a nincompoop?"

"A stupid person with low intelligence, yet they happen to be a state alchemist in the military." Roy growled angrily, clambering to his feet. Ed blinked several times and watched an ant dance the polka. "...you mean you?" He asked.

"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF-biscuits." Roy finally sighed, avoiding the colorful curse word he was originally gonna say. Ed and Al looked at each other before springing up. "Guess where we are, Daddy?"

"I'm not your freaking dad!" Roy snapped. "But where are we? I hope Hawaii..."

"What's a ha-why-ee? Does it taste like chicken?" Al asked innocently. Roy slapped his forehead and groaned in frustration. "Just tell we where we are."

"We dunno!" Ed beamed. "But I found a convenient sign that said ' Plothole Island'."

"Plot...hole...oh crap, this has Ayumi written all over it." Roy shook his fist up at the sky. "Damn you Ayumi and your unoriginality! Damn you!" He stopped and blinked at himself. "So, guessing by the information I can gather from other roleplays and fanfics with this plot, we're trapped on a deserted island with no food, bathrooms, means of transportation, water, a restaurant, asylum or manga store. Not only that, but we're three guys who are all extremely sexy that any author can turn gay for these kind of situations. And! You two are idiots." He nodded. "Yep, we're doomed."

Al gasped. "OMG, we're trapped on an island!!!"

"Omg, really?!"

"Idiots!" Roy picked up a rock and was about to knock Al out with it, but instead, finding a better idea, smacked himself in the head with it and topped over unconscious.

Ed and Al blinked. "...is Daddy suicidal, Brother?"

"It makes sense. He probably has alot of off-screen Ishbalan war angst that we don't know about." He nodded. "Let's go find some food!"

"Okay!"

-

_Ow...my head...what the hell ha- oh yeah, I hit myself with a rock...not the smartest idea I've had. _ Roy groaned and clutched his head, which was surprisingly not bleeding from the force he had whacked himself with. He sat up and looked to the left, seeing Ed and Al giggling as they sat on the ground with their eyes closed. "Um...I distinctly remember in the five seconds I had enough consciousness to hear you guys, that you said that you were looking for food."

"Oh, we found it! A whole lots!" Ed replied with another giggle, keeping his eyes closed. Roy blinked. "Really? Where is it?"

"It's really cool too. There's _so _many rare foods in this place..." Al searched his pocket blindly for a second, also refusing to open his eyes. "Behold! A pomato!!" He exclaimed, thrusting his fist forward. He wasn't holding onto anything.

Roy blinked. "A...what?"

"A pomato, an alchemic crossbred between a tomato and a potato! It's genius, and yummy!" Al pretended to chomp down on the imaginary pomato and chewed. "But is it a fruit or vegetable, Brother?"

"Neither. It's a chimera, duh." Ed replied wisely. Roy rolled his eyes. "Aren't you too old for make believe?"

"This isn't make believe, that's a real pomato. Maybe the shock of such a extraordinary scientific success is too much for your diminutive mind to fully absorb, Mustang." Ed smirked. Al clapped at his older brother's use of big words.

"Using big words against me, eh? Well...whatever. You suck, you stupid shrimp."

"I DO NOT BELONG IN COCKTAILS!" Ed roared, springing to his feet and making a gesture like he was holding a baseball bat.. Roy rolled his eyes again and started to walk away when Ed mimed that he had whacked his bat across Roy's head. Roy slumped to the ground unconscious, and all the readers just went "wtf?"

"Brother!" Al gasped, opening his eyes. Ed did the same and stared at Al. "What?"

"Your shoe's untied." Al pointed. Ed blinked and looked down. "But I have no shoelaces..."

"Exactly."

-

Roy woke up and blinked. "Did an imaginary bat just knock me out?"

"Yes."

"Damn, you're still here!" Roy got up and glared at Ed. "That hurt, you bastard!"

"So does looking at your face!" Ed laughed tauntingly. Al handed Roy an ice pack. "Thought you just wanted to treat that burn." He said with a smile.

"Ah, thanks." Roy took it and pressed it on the random burn he had on his hand. Ed gasped and suddenly looked behind him, noticing the rustling that had suddenly started and jumped behind Roy. "This is bad!"

"Wh-what is it, Brother?" Al squeaked, also jumping behind Roy. Roy mumbled something about not being a shield. "This means...we're not the only ones on the island." Ed said dramatically. The credits started rolling up, the perfect time for the viewer of the show to attack their television screaming, "No! Don't give me a cliffhanger now! What happened?!"

Hahahaha.

**---**

**So the plot is that they're trapped on an island, huh? Nice...**

**Zomg, I got 200+ reviews! Yatta! Thanks to TenshiElric (wtf, you're no Elric!) for getting me the 200 n.n Tenshi, on your next review, you gotta tell me what you want your Poup chapter to be about, hehehe...**

**I update Poup and you review! We make beautiful music together!**


	23. Purkey Day!

**Ayumi was hard at work, writing her Nanowrimo story and kicking Melissa's ass at the word count. For some reason, she could smell food being cooked from downstairs, which struck her as odd, but ignored it to continue writing. A couple of minutes later, her sister Kiyoko came upstairs and poked her. "Ayumi, come on, Thanksgiving dinner."**

**Ayumi looked blankly at her. "...today's Turkey day?"**

**"Duh." Kiyoko replied, rolling her eyes. Ayumi blinked. "No, it's on Thursday."**

**"Today _is _Thursday, moron!" **

**"Holy shit!" Ayumi gasped in horror. "This sucks, I was planning a Poup chapter for Thanksgiving, and now I'll have to rush it!"**

**"...I don't care." Kiyoko muttered. Ayumi glared at her sister, who got tired of being glared at and started dragging the authoress downstairs by her ankles.**

**---**

Roy was at work, as usual, actually doing his work. Not that he wanted to, but somehow, he had realized that if he did each paper every five minutes, then he'll finish in about two hours and will have about five hours to watch porn on his mini-tv. 

The door randomly kicked open. Ed skipped his way inside and jumped in front of Roy's desk with his signature psycho smile. "Happy Thanksgiving, Roy!"

"Go to hell." Roy replied with a tired smile. Ed took this as a compliment and continued with what he was saying. "Hey, Woy-sama ( Roy winced), Al and I are gonna be having dinner at our house, and we were wondering if you could come and join us!"

"Wtf, what house? You burned your house down five years ago." Roy blinked at the younger alchemist. Ed stared blankly at him, his head tilted and his braid in his mouth again. A couple of minutes passed. "...okay, nevermind." He sighed.

"Soooo, are you gonna come?" Ed asked with an adorable pout.

"Hell no, I go and somehow Ayumi'll kill me for the reader's amusement." He answered and went back to signing his name. Ed frowned, tugging on Roy's sleeve and making him look up in annoyance.

"Um...w-well...ya see, Al and I lost everything so long ago...all we really have is each other, and to us, you're our Dad now..." His eyes went all sparkly with unshed tears, and he smiled gently, making all the fangirls squeal as they imagined this scene in their heads like I'm doing right now. "You're really the only thing we have to be thankful for..." He sniffled, the tears now starting to skim over his face. "Please come, Dad...please...?"

"...fine." Roy sighed, trying hard not to get all emotional, even though he was anyway. Ed beamed and wiped his face off. "Great!"

Roy gawked at him and sighed. _...evil bastard._

- (If it's not obvious by now, I love Parental!RoyxEd...)

"Al! We're home!" Ed called once they got to the Elric house. Roy cursed silently at the author, who had luckily left open a bunch of plotholes on how they got to Risembool so quickly, and why the Elrics have their house when they had clearly burnt it down in episode three.

"Brother!" Al rushed out of the kitchen, his hair typed up into a ponytail as usual, and a light pink apron over his normal clothes. "Welcome back!" He smiled at Roy. "Daddy! Nice you can make it!"

Roy twitched.

Ed hung up his jacket on the coat stand and ruffled Al's hair. "Good job, Al. Is everyone else here yet?"

Al nodded with a neko smile. "Yep! Everyone's already at the table, we're just waiting for you."

"...everyone?" Roy glared at the two Elrics. "What the hell, I thought you said it was only going to be the three of us!"

Ed smiled innocently. "I never said that, Daddy." He ran away, cackling while Roy chased after him, threatening to burn him to a crisp. "Lmao." Al chuckled.

-

_A couple of minutes later, after _ _Roy__ had calmed down..._

"This way, Daddy!" Ed proclaimed with a cheerful smile, leading the Colonel down the hall and to the dining room. Roy grumbled angrily under his breath, still upset that he was tricked.

"Here we are!" Ed exclaimed. He pointed to the room with the huge table. Roy stared wide eyed at it. Already seated on it was Envy, Hohopapa and Trisha (eh?), along with Izumi, Sig, Wrath, Winry, Pinako, Riza, Ayumi, Kiyoko, Rei and Tsubasa and Mamoru, who are Ayumi's parents that are making a special appearance.

"What the??" Roy blinked.

"What the hell?! You never said Roy was coming!" Ayumi yelled, aiming a glare in Mustang's direction.

"...nice to see you to." Roy deadpanned.

"Now we can feast!" Ed sat Roy down and sat at the head of the table. Al came out, holding a silver platter with a huge glob of poup on it shaped as a turkey. "I call this...Purkey!" He declared, setting the purkey in the center of the table. Everyone except Ed stared at the purkey with twitching eyes.

"...did I forget to mention that I'm allergic to the combination of pudding and soup?" Ayumi said quickly. Al blinked. "Oh...okay, well, I got these...um...potato chips...wanna eat that?"

"Sure!"

"And since we have minors here, I brought apple cider to drink." Tsubasa made two bottles of apple cider appear on the table. Roy stared at her.

"Awesome!" Al sat next to his brother and smiled. "Okay! Before we eat, let's everyone say one thing we're thankful for...or else." The room shuddered at Al's threat and agreed.

"I'll start!" Ed put the tip of his thumb into his mouth like L does in Death Note and thought about it. "I'm thankful that... Roy came with us." He beamed at the Colonel, who smiled back, even though he felt like murdering the blonde. "Actually, I'm joking. I'm actually thankful for Al, because he pwns all of you! ...except maybe Ayumi, because if I don't say that, she'll put me in the box again..."

"Damn straight!"

"Me next!" Al grinned. "I'm thankful for Brother, because he's the best brother in the whole wide world!"

"Aww, thanks Al!" Ed and Al hugged all cute and brotherly again. Envy gagged in disgust.

Because I'm wasting time on my nano, I'm gonna speed things up and just make them go around the table.

"Uhhh...oh! I'm thankful that I don't have to do my paperwork anymore. Yes!" Roy pumped his fist in the air. Riza glared at him.

"I'm thankful of nothing. You all suck...except for Ayumi and her damn box." Envy glared across the table at Ayumi, who just winked and blew a kiss at him, making all the readers go "EW!" at my fangirlness.

"I'm thankful that Trisha's here." Hohopapa said and kissed Trisha's cheek. She giggled. "I am too." She said in a slightly evil tone.

"I'm thankful that for once, I'm not coughing up blood." Izumi said dully, pouring out the apple cider for everyone.

"I'm thankful for my wife." Sig said, and the two hugged with little flowers dancing in the background. Everyone else blinked.

"I'm thankful for having a family!" Wrath jumped up and joined the Curtis hugfeast. Everyone blinked again.

"I'm thankful that for once, Ed hasn't broken his automail again." Winry nodded. Ed looked thoughtful for a second. "...I didn't? Dammit!" He ran off, and soon a loud banging sound followed with a crunch came from the other room. Winry's eyes widened, as Ed came back into the room happily, with his arm smashed up. "There, all better."

"YOU IDIOT!"

"I'm thankful for tobacco." Pinako sighed, taking up another long drawl from her pipe thingy.

"I'm thankful that Roy is a sexy beast." Riza said calmly and winked at the Colonel, who was now having a massive nosebleeding fit.

"And I'm thankful that Ed, who's a sexier beast, is my smex slave for the rest of his life." Ayumi said with a sick, evil smile. "And I'm also thankful for fanfiction."

"Wait a second...I'M WHAT?!" Ed yelled.

"...I'm thankful that Hughes is dead." Kiyoko said plainly.

"Not in this fanfiction!" Ayumi replied.

"Dammit!"

"Yay! Then I'm thankful that he's alive and still mine!" Rei cheered.

"...Rei, Hughes is already married." Roy informed her. Rei grinned evilly. "Not for long..."

"?!"

"I'm just thankful of that fact that my daughter hasn't been sent to an asylum this year." Tsubasa said with a sigh. Ayumi blinked. "Actually..."

"...I'm just hungry, so can we eat the uh...purkey already?" Mamoru got up and carved the purkey. And when I meant carved, I meant poked it a couple of times with a fork in disgust. So instead, everyone just drank a lot of apple cider. Roy seemed to be the only one who realized that the cider tasted funny. "Um...Tsubasa, are you sure this is non-alcoholic."

"Of course it is! See?" She pointed to the label which clearly read 'Made of 35 alcohol'. Roy stared at it, just as Ayumi started randomly giggling and falling off her chair, on her eight glass of cider. "...Um..." He pointed to it. Tsubasa blinked. "Oops! My bad."

"Oh, and by the way everyone, we have a special ingredient in the purkey." Al randomly announced. "Dynamite!"

"WHAT?!"

**KA-POW!**

Poup splattered everywhere and on everyone. The only thing left on the purkey was a blown out stick of dynamite and a couple of brown-ish yellow globs. Ayumi and Envy broke out laughing and rolled around on the floor, clearly drunk. Ed and Al giggled madly and tackled Wrath and Winry from the other side of the table and randomly began mud wrestling, except wrestling in a glob of Poup instead of mud. Kiyoko started ranting about her plan to murder Hughes, Rei at the same time plotting her plan to get rid of Gracia. Everyone else can just do what you want, leave me alone, I'm tired dammit!

Roy sighed. "This is the worse Turkey Day ever..."

**---**

**Yeah...I'm writing this while having my first hangover, sue me. -.-; Yes, my mom somehow didn't know that there was alcohol in the apple cider and I got drunk...I'll write about it later because it was funny, but I feel so shitty now...T.T Oh yeah, the poup plot will continue next chapter, I just felt like writing this. Happy ** **Turkey**** Day!**


	24. Author's Note!: Wow, I fail at life!

Ummmm. .....hi. It's Ayumi. ...Obviously.

Good news, I'm not dead! Whoot! But then again, that doesn't excuse the fact that I haven't updated like, _any _story for more than a year. I failed you guys, I know! But before you all kill me in the most violent way you can think of, just letting ya'll know that yes, I will be updating! Sometime before now and...um...summer break. Yeah, that's vague enough to be believable...

What else, what else...ummmm.....okay, yeah, I also wrote a lil' update on my profile, complete with websites that I want you guys to join and add me on that...since I love meeting my readers and all, and that way you guys have more ways to chat with me, y'know...remind me that I have a bitchload of fanfics to finish, maybe even sprinkle in a few oneshots maybe?

That was an order btw. :D

Still reading? Cool. ... umm. ... Well, I'm 16 now? That's sexy, ain't it? Oh yes. Very sexy. And umm... ... I got a boyfriend. :D And I wuv him very much. Oh, but that doesn't mean I'm giving up my Edo. Oh no. He's still mine bitches. In fact, he's tied up in my closet right now, yup yup. No one can have him. NO ONE. AHAHA. AHAHAHAHA! -eye twitch-

Hey, this is actually fun. Hm. Maybe I should update something right now!!! ....or maybe I can just put it off and wait another couple of months, yeah, that'll work!!!! :D ...nah, I'm just kidding. I wouldn't wait months. Maybe days. Weeks. But not months.

What eeelse, I know there was something else I wanted to say...

Oh yeah, I'm working on a novel! Whoot! It's taking a damn freaking long time to write though. In fact, I haven't exactly started writing it yet, I'm still in the plotting stage. But it'll be good, I hope. And if it's published than I hope people read it. At least. ... I mean, psh. Smeyer got her piece of crap book published and she's filthy freaking rich and is a no-talent hag, so I've got a shot, right?!?!!! -crickets chirp- ...son of a-

Anyway, still reading?!! Shit, you got no life HAHA I'M JUST JOKING I'M THE ONE WITH NO LIFE DUH -shot again- Yeahhh, but now I'm wasting your time, so I'm gonna finish this and go back to texting my boyfriend! Love ya!! Gimme reviews!!! ...I'm serious. I want reviews. **Now. **


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